23:20 <Crion> Well. That was quite a time at market. And quite a prize for it. The Ravens and even Santander seem impressed, though Santander's missive was delivered via e-mail. Seems something is consuming his and Kingsley's time right now. 23:20 <VoxPVoxD> Must be important. 23:20 <Crion> How's Stewart's channel going? 23:22 <VoxPVoxD> It's going well! Tonight is an AMA. Mostly questions about specific game mechanics and build advice, but a smattering of personal stuff too. Stewart's had to plead ignorance on whatever's going on in Hong Kong, though the chat is mollified because he'll talk shit about Blizzard all day. One question - "Are you single?" - gets a flustered non-answer. 23:23 <VoxPVoxD> "There's kind of - I don't know, it's new - next question." 23:23 <VoxPVoxD> His cheeks are red. 23:24 <Crion> Mmmmmm. 23:25 <Crion> Has he been using his new library box for research? Presumably he's been looking into something. 23:27 <VoxPVoxD> Naturally! After that first day it's been less responsive. The software tends to crash after a search, and then the machine's got to do some lengthy recovery-from-backup... Stewart can't find anything actually wrong with the hardware, so he takes it as some magical interdiction manifesting electronically. Don't dig too greedily, it seems to say, or too deep. Well fine then. Stewart will 23:27 <VoxPVoxD> just dig another way. You can punch the dirt in Minecraft with your bare hands. 23:28 <Crion> The narrator of this story is thankfully blissfully unaware of what happens when you dig too greedily and too deep in Minecraft, and so finds this acceptable. 23:29 <VoxPVoxD> He's got two recent searches under his belt - one on the Belvedere Hotel and one on Edgar Allan Poe. 23:38 <Crion> The Belvedere is relatively simple...for the first 4/5th of the return. He gets mainly what he'd get out of any wiki; built on the estate of a former Revolutionary War hero back when Baltimore was much smaller, and is a big to-do in Baltimore's cultural public life. There's an entry for the Owl Bar, which is odd, but mostly mundane. Maybe a bit strange that it focuses on how good the pizzas 23:38 <Crion> are? But they are good. ...There's also an entry for the 13th Floor Lounge. It is two grafs. The first reads, in full, HC SVNT DRACONES. The second reads: "Thirty pieces was ever so much a bargain." 23:40 <VoxPVoxD> So... dragons and Judas? 23:43 <Crion> The search on Poe returns basically a biography, except...he's referred to as a weird dilettante who fucked his cousin, but also a prominent occultist. And instead of "Death," that section is labelled "Reported Death." And then there's this section on the end which describes a collection of short stories he put out in...1879. And another in...1945? And the entry concludes with: "Edgar Allan 23:43 <Crion> Poe lives and works in Baltimore, Maryland." 23:43 <Crion> The critical response to those new collections seems mixed, though the links to the reviews don't seem to go anywhere. 23:44 <VoxPVoxD> ...ah. 23:44 <VoxPVoxD> This is seriously creepy. Hell yes. 23:44 <Crion> There's a ping from his computer. dolor_sit_amet has logged on. 23:44 <VoxPVoxD> ! 23:44 <Crion> Sorry, clarification: his hex box. 23:45 <VoxPVoxD> Lauren gets a message almost immediately. <did you ever hear anything about e.a. poe still being alive> 23:45 <Crion> <E> 23:45 <Crion> <A> 23:45 <Crion> <poe> 23:46 <Crion> <he's fuckin lame> 23:46 <VoxPVoxD> <lol> 23:46 <Crion> <but ya i heard something about that. hes weird? keeps to himself> 23:47 <VoxPVoxD> <got it from spooky encarta. also something about the 13th floor of the belvedere having dragons and/or judas?? like bible judas> 23:48 <Crion> <..........stewart> 23:48 <Crion> <whos the other judas> 23:48 <Crion> <honestly> 23:48 <VoxPVoxD> <priest> 23:48 <Crion> <that's the same judas!!!!! they were just being edgy> 23:48 <VoxPVoxD> <point conceded> 23:48 <Crion> <anyway lets get dinner> 23:49 <VoxPVoxD> <yeah!! where> 23:50 <Crion> <there's joe squared which is a pizza place that does thin crust sourdough pizza. got a quattro fromaggio to hurt people about, and a flag pizza that also owns> 23:50 <Crion> <pesto, white sauce, red sauce> 23:50 <Crion> <there's other places but really i want a pizza> 23:51 <VoxPVoxD> <in> 23:51 <Crion> <its on north ave!!! i'll call in a reservation, and hack them if i can't get a reservation> 23:52 <Crion> What time has Stewart stopped streaming? Obviously it's before they stop seating guests at 10 PM. 23:53 <VoxPVoxD> AMA was an afternoon stream so his euro fans could get in on it. He's off the clock by six. 23:53 <Crion> 8 PM it is then. Joe Squared doesn't have a dress code but it looks like most of the doofy white guys in these pictures are, again, in jeans and button-ups. 23:55 <VoxPVoxD> Well, Stewart is a doofy white guy, and he just got some new nice shirts. Not to look good for Lauren or anything. He just felt inclined to expand his wardrobe on a whim. This one is ruby red. 23:55 <Crion> Parking's not plentiful, but it's a weeknight on North Avenue and Joe Squared has a dedicated parking lot. It's not quite full, and even if it was, its presence means Stewart could have parked on the street easily. 00:00 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart doesn't mind a short walk, if it comes to that. It's a nice enough night, and there's only so many of those left before Stewart needs to shop for a winter jacket that looks good on him. Shopping for clothes was weirdly easier when he was fat. 00:01 <Crion> Lauren is waiting for him outside the restaurant in jeans, cute boots, and a blouse under a thin jacket-hoodie thing. She lights up when she sees him; literally, in the eyes. 00:02 <Crion> And when he's within five paces, she'll stride forward and hug him. 00:03 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart's able to keep his cool, though he's plainly happy to see her. He hugs her back, fiercely. "Hey." 00:03 <Crion> "Hi." 00:04 <Crion> Embarrassed, she'll pull back. "We've got a reservation for...now, basically. You're going to love this shit." 00:04 <VoxPVoxD> "I'm excited. You've got incredible taste in pizza." 00:04 <Crion> There's a harried host at the front station, he glances up and puts on a smile for you, though he's clearly panicking. "Hello!" 00:05 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart smiles back. "Evening." 00:05 <Crion> "I'm sorry, there's a forty-minute wait, and--" 00:05 <Crion> Lauren: "We have a reservation?" 00:05 <Crion> Sweating more. "Name?" 00:06 <Crion> Her eyes narrow. "Ipsum." 00:06 <Crion> The host's hands kind of curl. "So, I have to apologize, we--" 00:06 <Crion> Suddenly, the point of sale system in front of him beeps. 00:06 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart's not sure he'll ever get over what a cool name Lauren Ipsum is. 00:06 <VoxPVoxD> ...or what a cool person Lauren Ipsum is. 00:07 <Crion> "Oh," he says. Then he smiles. "Oh! So. Sadly, your reservation was...booked, already, somehow, but! The manager has released some of our party rooms in the basement due to the overflow, and you'll get one to yourselves!" 00:08 <Crion> Lauren: "I'm going to be honest, I didn't know this place had a basement. But..." She looks around the place. 00:08 <Crion> It is, indeed, packed. 00:08 <VoxPVoxD> "Wow." Must be really good pizza. 00:09 <Crion> The host plucks two menus from the retainer they're in. "Please, follow me." 00:11 <Crion> He leads them through a comfortable and too-cozy main room -- there are five guys with three acoustic guitars, a string bass, and a drum kit setting up, good god -- and down a staircase that hitches back underneath the establishment. There's a turn-off for staffing and maintenance rooms, but right off the main hall on the landing are five doors: two on each side, and then one at the end of 00:11 <Crion> the hall. 00:12 <Crion> The host blinks twice, a bit oddly, as if startled... 00:12 <Crion> ...but confidently leads them down the hall and opens the door to the back room, which is a perfectly well-appointed private dining area. 00:13 <VoxPVoxD> Does Lauren seem surprised or confused at all? 00:14 <Crion> She seems to find this whole set-up a little strange, but she's more annoyed than anything. 00:14 <VoxPVoxD> That's our Lauren. 00:14 <Crion> Doing a decent job hiding it, though. Not like it's THIS guy's fault. 00:16 <Crion> He ushers them into the room, sets down the menus, and says a waiter will be with them shortly before exiting through the lone door. He's not wrong! A young lady dressed just like the host was hustles through and apologizes again for the arrangements, and asks if you need time to order. 00:16 <Crion> "My name's Karen," she says. 00:18 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart looks at Lauren. "We'll take a minute. Can I get a Dark and Stormy?" 00:18 <Crion> She smiles. "Of course. I'm sorry, though, I need to see your IDs." 00:19 <Crion> "I'll get a Golden Monkey," Lauren says, handing hers over. Karen barely glances at it before nodding and handing it back. 00:19 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart Reader's ID declares he was born October 26th, 1996. Like his name, only the first part is true. 00:20 <Crion> Karen smiles and nods through it, too. "I'll be right back!" She heads out very quickly, possibly because now one of the tables she has to work is fully down a flight of stairs and a hallway from the rest. 00:21 <Crion> Lauren, when she's gone: "Well, this is weird." 00:21 <VoxPVoxD> "Being down in the basement you mean?" 00:22 <Crion> "Yeah. Feels...open. Like, it's not the room itself, it's the feeling that I spent too much money on it." 00:23 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Did you pay out of pocket?" 00:24 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart has no idea what Lauren makes, but she's indispensable to what seems to be a pretty rich law firm, so he assumes she does fine. 00:25 <Crion> Lauren rolls her eyes, which is a fun experience in the Mien because it backlights the sockets. "I didn't write off any food expenses last year. I'm guessing I've got some leverage." 00:26 <Crion> She opens up her menu. "We should split a pizza." 00:26 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart nods. "So what are you thinking. Quattro fromaggio?" 00:26 <VoxPVoxD> "These all look good to me." 00:27 <Crion> She grins. "It's fantastic. I'm gonna order the biggest one, just for the leftovers." 00:28 <Crion> Karen returns with your drinks, along with a pitcher of ice water. 00:28 <Crion> "Are you ready to order?" she asks. 00:29 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart lets Lauren order, since she's "paying". 00:30 <Crion> Lauren: "I am." She orders the largest version of the pizza -- the damn $25er -- and that'll be it for both of them. 00:30 <Crion> Karen: "Okay! The kitchen's a bit backed up, should I check in with you on drinks in oh, ten minutes?" 00:30 <Crion> Lauren smiles. "That'll be fine." 00:30 <VoxPVoxD> "Thank you so much." 00:31 <Crion> When Karen's gone: "I feel bad about making her come all the way down here." 00:31 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah... we'll have to leave her a big tip." 00:33 <Crion> What do you talk about for the next ten minutes? If Stewart doesn't lead the conversation, it's gonna be stream wheedling. 00:34 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart prefers to guide rather than lead conversations, so his instinct is to take whatever Lauren leads off with and play around with that. What kinda wheedling we talking? 00:35 <Crion> Lauren starts with normal stuff. Stewart's streaming PoE still, right? What's his current build? 00:37 <VoxPVoxD> It's late in the league so he's getting pretty weird with it. Currently working on a build to see how many Siege Ballistas he can get on the ground at once. He's up to 16. 00:38 <Crion> Lauren: "So when I pick up the stream it's a lot of stuff just...exploding? Is that how high level play always works? How much of it's automated." 00:39 <VoxPVoxD> He might be picking up Destiny 2 for the stream soon, and some other streamers are banging around trying to scare people up for an RPG live play show. "You can automate as much or as little as you like. My last build I had a lot of buttons to press, between Frostbolt and Vortex and my focus mods and keeping all my flasks up. Before that was Tornado Shot, which is mostly running around 00:39 <VoxPVoxD> and pressing one button and pianoing all the flasks." 00:40 <Crion> Lauren: "Pianoing?" 00:40 <Crion> "Oh, like--" 00:40 <VoxPVoxD> Wait, she's been watching the stream? Did she see-- Stewart's face is carefully bereft of concern. "You know, sort of pressing the buttons over and over again every few seconds. Yeah, you get it." 00:41 <Crion> She nods seriously. "How well is it going to work in the endgame content? Are you there yet?" 00:42 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I play a lot, so I've got enough currency stashed to make basically anything work in the endgame. Once you know the mechanics of the fights it's just about being able to meet certain DPS thresholds. It should work, though it won't be the prettiest, especially on Uber Elder." 00:43 <Crion> "Haha. Uber." 00:44 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "The people who make PoE are huge nerds. Their lead guy was like, what if I put Diablo 2 on Magic the Gathering's business model? Which is the sort of question I'd be embarrassed to ask out loud, but now he's a millionaire, so." 00:44 <Crion> Lauren: "Yeah that happens, like, a lot? I assume there's a lot of really nerdy exclamations that don't end in financing points." 00:48 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah. Anyway they got bought by Tencent and just launched a South Korean client, so between that and the Blizzard thing I had to appoint two more mods to keep the chat from going insane." 00:49 <VoxPVoxD> "What have you been working on?" 00:49 <Crion> Lauren laughs. "Ohhhhhhh man. Yeah. Oh, you can write those guys' subs off and like, paypal them." 00:51 <Crion> She gets more serious, and more smug. "Network security. We're trying to come up with a distributed security model that makes it so you can't take out any single redundancy and affect the overall impact. Not possible with currently existing technology, but damn if wizards don't help bridge the quantum gap." 00:51 <Crion> "Vampires aren't too shabby either for the footpad stuff." 00:51 <Crion> "Werewolves are kinda just himbos." 00:52 <Crion> She pauses. "Well, one of them's 12, so that'd be fucked up to say about him. But the adults? Yeah." 00:54 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart snort-laughs. Himbos is a funny word. "They getting any better at Destiny?" 00:55 <Crion> Lauren giggles. "They're fucking INCREDIBLE at Destiny! Cuth and Kolsch save our asses in raids on the regular." 00:56 <VoxPVoxD> "I want to get in on that so bad. But I've had like no off-hours gaming time lately. I haven't even started Disco El-" And then the door's opening. 00:56 <Crion> ...And then it closes again. 00:57 <VoxPVoxD> ...? 00:59 <Crion> And out of the darkness walks a man in a red suit, smiling, and holding a pan with a gigantic pizza. Stewart's seen him before. 00:59 <Crion> But there are two people who just entered the room. The other is sauntering off to a corner. 00:59 <Crion> And she just erased the only door. 00:59 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart leans back slightly. 01:00 <Crion> Smiling, the red-suited man steps up to the table. "I have good news and bad news." 01:00 <Crion> Lauren looks terrified. 01:01 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart looks, uncharacteristically, angry. 01:01 <Crion> He leans forward. "Which do you want first." 01:02 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Couch's choice." 01:02 <VoxPVoxD> Can he get a bead on where that other lady is going? 01:02 <Crion> He can. She's taken a seat in the corner of the room, over on the far end of the party tables. 01:03 <Crion> The red-suited man's grin widens. "Bad news flares." 01:03 <Crion> "So." 01:03 <Crion> "Karen's dead." 01:03 <Crion> "Well. Dying." 01:03 <Crion> "It turns out she has stage four pancreatic cancer. Do you know how that works? Stewart?" 01:03 <Crion> "Lauren?" 01:04 <VoxPVoxD> "Why would you do that?" 01:05 <Crion> The Counselor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_V7voaiHJ0 All your followers are blind; too much Heaven on their minds. It was beautiful but now it's sour. 01:05 <Crion> In the corner, the other one lounges. And stares. 01:06 <Crion> The red-suited man: "Because I could. Because I can. Because frankly, you little shits, you're hard to even have a conversation with." 01:07 <Crion> "And since you didn't answer the question, it involves vomiting blood. And crying. And screaming." 01:07 <Crion> "Just things that...happen, some days." 01:08 <Crion> He puts the big pizza down on the table between you. Lauren looks like she's going to be sick. 01:08 <Crion> "The good news! Your pizza was at the front of the line." 01:08 <Crion> "Eat." 01:08 <VoxPVoxD> And all the good you've done, will soon get swept away~ 01:08 <Crion> Lauren sets her face and glares at the pizza. 01:08 <Crion> What does Stewart do? 01:10 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart's voice is stony. "You didn't come to feed us. You didn't come to kill us. You didn't come to take us away." 01:10 <VoxPVoxD> "So what is it, mister valet? Have you come to bargain?" 01:11 <Crion> The red-suited man looks to where the door used to be, then back to the pizza, then back to where the door used to be, and then: "I didn't. Heh. I didn't come to-- hehehee!" 01:11 <Crion> "CLEARLY." 01:11 <Crion> He turns and slams his hands down on the table. "Clearly." 01:11 <Crion> "I did in fact come to feed you." 01:11 <Crion> "That is why it was good news." 01:11 <Crion> "Eat." 01:12 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart's narrow chest is heaving up and down. A more imposingly built man might give the impression he was about to come across the table. Stewart just sits there, staring at him. 01:13 <Crion> He leans forward. "EAAAAAAATTTTTTTT" 01:16 <Crion> Lauren whimpers, and grabs a slice. 01:16 <VoxPVoxD> Something deep and inarticulate in Stewart demands defiance, but seeing Lauren so scared breaks his resolve. He joins her almost immediately, averting his eyes. 01:17 <Crion> The pizza is...heavenly. 01:17 <Crion> And the red-suited man drags a chair over, sits down, and takes a slice himself. 01:17 <Crion> "God. God. So good." 01:17 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart still struggles to get each bite down. 01:18 <Crion> Waving a finger around. "Kids, you made...a fantastic choice." 01:18 <Crion> "Never been here before. Never been! But what a slice. Even if it is square." 01:18 <Crion> The red-suited man pauses. "Should have expected that...Joe Squared. Joe. Powerful man." 01:19 <Crion> He finishes a slice, then another. Then another. Then another. He's gulping them down by the fifth, like a snake eating a rat whole. Like a grinning Satan sucking down a trout. 01:19 <Crion> "So good." 01:20 <Crion> Lauren stops after four slices, looking over at the red-suited man fretfully, but he seems fine with that degree of commitment. 01:20 <Crion> She hasn't touched her beer since he walked in. 01:22 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart gets through two and a half at the same rate. He feels like his throat's closing up. Like he's having an allergic reaction. 01:22 <Crion> The red-suited man leans back and sighs contentedly. Then he sees that Stewart...hasn't finished his slice. 01:23 <Crion> "Do it." 01:23 <Crion> "Commit to something, you little shit." 01:26 <VoxPVoxD> He's a surgeon, masked and scrubbed under hostile lights, holding a scalpel artlessly in ungloved hands. He looks down at the body he cut open, digging until he hits the soul. You died, don't you remember? He's batting sixth for the Orioles, two on two out, 2-2 is the count, top of the 9th. Here's the pitch. 01:26 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart just stares at the pizza. 01:27 <Crion> "Okay. Okay." The red-suited man reaches over, takes the half-finished slice, and finishes it himself. Slurps it down. "Okay." 01:28 <Crion> He turns to Lauren. "You know, I thought you had better taste." 01:28 <Crion> Then he pulls out a taser, and a handgun. 01:28 <Crion> He's not pointing them at anyone. 01:29 <Crion> The red-suited man grins at Stewart, opens his mouth, and clenches its grip in his teeth, still smiling. Then he chambers a round in the gun, drops the magazine, and tosses it into the darkness behind him. 01:29 <Crion> One shot. 01:30 <Crion> He takes the taser and thumbs the charger. 01:31 <Crion> The red-suited man: "We're going to play a game." 01:31 <Crion> "If you run, Karen dies. If you don't, Karen lives." 01:32 <Crion> "I think you're familiar with it," the red-suited man says to Stewart. "I'm going to ask you questions. And if you don't answer them, I'm going to hurt..." 01:32 <Crion> He gestures to Lauren. "Her." 01:33 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart's face is expressionless. 01:34 <Crion> The red-suited man assesses him. "Well. Surely you've got more of a reaction than that." 01:36 <VoxPVoxD> "Ask your questions." 01:37 <Crion> The red-suited man: "What would it take to make you violent?" 01:41 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Four parts methylone, two parts rarefied adrenaline, one part redantine. Inject epidurally, wait 25-40 minutes." 01:42 <VoxPVoxD> He sounds like he's reading off a homework assignment. 01:42 <Crion> "That's unfortunate." The taser whines, even though it's nowhere near Lauren-- 01:43 <Crion> Then it snarls and snaps, and she shrieks, falling sideways out of her chair. 01:44 <Crion> He leans forward, grinning. "I never said what I'd do if I didn't like your answer." 01:46 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart, distantly: "What kind of answers are you looking for?" 01:50 <Crion> Thump. Thump. Thump. THUMP. THUMP. 01:50 <Crion> All around the room, doors. 01:50 <Crion> There's a door where the door used to be. And there are doors everywhere else. 01:51 <Crion> The red-suited man: "Oh, for fuck's sake.'; 01:51 <Crion> "Counselor." 01:51 <Crion> The woman at the other end of the room, now bracketed by doors to, ah, wherever...?: "I told you this was a bad idea." 01:52 <Crion> "Prepare an exit," the red-suited man says. 01:52 <Crion> Then...the door kicks open, and another man in a red suit dances into the room. 01:52 <Crion> Hip thrusting. 01:52 <Crion> But his face is painted white. 01:53 <VoxPVoxD> Ha. 01:54 <Crion> "Society!" The white-painted man says. 01:55 <Crion> "We...now me!...live in one." 01:55 <Crion> The red-suited man: "Counselor..." 01:57 <Crion> bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 01:57 <Crion> WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 01:57 <Crion> thpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthpthp