09:00 <Crion> All the houses out there are starting to look the same. That can't be good. 09:01 <banana> More so than we expect from a Florida suburb? 09:02 <Crion> At least in the parking lot of the Walmart Supercenter in Coco Commons, Florida, things are regular and normal. The size and shape of the lot isn't changing. The cars aren't moving around when your back is turned. The ground is solid and the sun is...well, it's around. The sun has been moving oddly through the sky ever since you crossed over into the Hedge(?), or walked into the place where 09:02 <Crion> the Hedge crossed over into the real world(??). 09:03 <Crion> But yes. The houses seem to actively be standardizing, into a vision of suburban normalcy that you don't actually usually see in Florida coastal resort real estate. 09:04 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Starting to feel a little Elm Street out here." 09:04 <Crion> Looking a lot like this, now. https://i.imgur.com/keaz1dF.png 09:05 <trenchfoot> Hey, that looks terrible. Nels: "Feel like what now?" 09:06 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Nevermind, we're past that now. This is clone-stamped." 09:08 <CBN> Tony: "This isn't so bad..." 09:08 <VoxPVoxD> Little boxes, on the hillside... 09:08 <trenchfoot> Okay, boomer. 09:09 <dammitwho> Maggie: "Real Levittown look. Don't care for it." 09:10 <Crion> Santana: "So. Any grand ideas for getting us outta here?" 09:10 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart looks at Tony. "What'd you see?" 09:10 <Crion> Specialist Santana and Specialist Lopez have both loaded up their sidearms (Lopez's new sidearm, in this case) with the bane bullets. 09:13 <Crion> Mutt is sort of anxiously pacing around. 09:15 <banana> Melanie doesn’t know military tactics, per se. Shouldn’t the Specialists have some idea? Her only one is: ”If we have a couple of people driving slowly, one or both of the vans, the rest of us can walk alongside and make the Hedge behave.” 09:17 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "So what happened when you tried to drive out before. The roads Blair Witched you?" 09:18 <CBN> Tony, to Stewart: "Well, this place isn't so bad...but that's the problem. It's not-so-bad on purpose, something's making it that way." 09:18 <VoxPVoxD> "Ah, shit." 09:19 <CBN> Tony: "It's kinda like...what if something made a big rainstorm and then oh hey look, an umbrella. And then the umbrella has a big mouth in it. Except I don't know if it's the place itself that wants to eat us or just something out there. Probably, hopefully the second one though." 09:19 <Crion> Santana: "Something attacked the cars, first. Once we were on foot, it picked us off, one by one." 09:20 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "You get eyes on it, Santana?" 09:20 <Crion> Lopez: "It wants to separate you from your team. That's why it doesn't like vehicles." 09:20 <Crion> Santana shakes his head. "I don't know what I got eyes on. Something moving." 09:20 <Crion> "It's hard to see. Confusing." 09:20 <VoxPVoxD> "Human-sized?" 09:20 <Crion> Santana: "Maybe. Maybe a bit bigger." 09:20 <Crion> Lopez: "I didn't see it at all." 09:21 <CBN> Tony: "That's the whole place's idea here, confusing, same-y. So, think of it kinda like a corn maze or something. Break some stalks where you can." Tony gives an identical mailbox at the end of a driveway an exploratory kick to see if it budges or anything. 09:21 <banana> Melanie: ”Is it invisible, or have you just got the wrong eyes?” 09:21 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "And it didn't leave behind bodies or anything? Didn't dent or rip the vans?" 09:21 <Crion> Mutt: "Maybe both, man. What if it's got contracts, maaan?" 09:22 <VoxPVoxD> "No indication of how exactly it's attacking?" 09:22 <Crion> Santana: "Took out the vans' tires. Broke the axles. Think they're still out there, somewhere. These here were the vehicles we left behind. We consolidated into a convoy." 09:22 <Crion> Lopez: "Twenty of us." 09:22 <Crion> "Fuck." 09:23 <trenchfoot> Nels: "Oh, no." And these are all that's left? 09:23 <banana> Melanie: ”It’s either so powerful that we’ve basically got no chance, or.. sensory confusion. Wyrd things that just give it an unfair advantage. We can deal with that.” 09:24 <Crion> Lopez: "Once you split twenty into two tens, into four fives, into ten twos..." 09:28 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "So, I guess there's two options. One, we go looking for a way out together and try to avoid it while staying together. And two, we go looking for it, because until its dealt with we're stuck." 09:29 <CBN> Tony: "It's not that it's that powerful really." Tony kneels by a lawn and examines the finer points of the soil. It's not speaking to him but it's not silent either. "Things like these, they carve out a territory, make themselves tiny kings of their shitty sand castles. But this one's either making itself a bigger castle, or making itself a bigger king. Not sure how." 09:29 <CBN> Tony: "In principle, it's probably a better idea to try to get out, if we can, but I'm not about to make this someone else's problem, if we're here already." 09:30 <banana> Melanie: ”I think the ethics of that depend on whether it’s gonna be sucked back over to the other side anyway.” 09:31 <banana> “There must be plenty of things ‘here’, the hereness of which we aim to qualify concurrently.” 09:31 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I think whatever we do it's gotta start by leaving this lot, either on foot or in a van. We definitely don't want to split up across vans, so it'd be tight..." 09:31 <Crion> The mailbox Tony kicked responded like a normal mailbox, if a bit weirdly cheap -- like a prop. But when no one was looking, it was replaced by an identical one, with a different house number. 09:31 <Crion> Tony's still in the lot, technically. So he's fine. 09:31 <banana> Melanie still thinks we should be walking out and treating the van (or vans) as something we’re bringing with us. It was a point of vulnerability for the soldiers and it would be for us too. 09:32 <CBN> Tony looks at the mailbox. "Well, fudge." 09:33 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart concentrates, raises his hand to the sky-- "Ah, fuck. It's scrambling my Mantle." 09:34 <CBN> Tony wiggles his dirt-fingers at the soil to test if it responds to the same kind of shaping that normal earth would. 09:34 <Crion> Well. Normal Hedge-earth, sure. There's a weird resistance in it. 09:34 <Crion> But not denial. 09:36 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "But yeah, we're safe here, which means we're not gonna accomplish too much more sticking around. It's too respectful of the safe zone; otherwise the maze would've killed the power to the store, even only by accident." 09:36 <banana> FEMA is going to have a lot of work to do. 09:36 <CBN> Tony flips a chunk of sod over and calls to Melanie: "Hey good news, we can still mess with this stuff! If you want to rip out a picket fence later or anything!" 09:37 <CBN> He looks away from the lawn and looks back. Did it fix itself? 09:38 <trenchfoot> The Federal Emergency of Magical Arts always has a lot of work to do. 09:38 <banana> Melanie grins back. The shadows which had wreathed her when we first turned up are already creeping back over her face and limbs, twisting through the body armour. 09:39 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Everyone ready to move?" 09:39 <CBN> Tony claps his hands together. "I could play in the dirt all day, so we probably should head, yeah." 09:39 <banana> “Mutt, can you fight? If not, can you drive?” 09:39 <Crion> Mutt: "Oh, yeah. Sure. I can drive." 09:40 <Crion> Santana: "Ready here." 09:40 <Crion> Lopez: "Where do you want me?" 09:40 <banana> She didn’t ask whether he had a drivers’ license. We’re in a genre here. 09:40 <banana> “If we’re taking both vans.. maybe Nels driving the other? It’d be safer if we only do one...” 09:41 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I do not think taking two separate vehicles is a good idea." 09:41 <CBN> Tony: "Before we go, anyone got a pen and some paper real quick? Or just something I can write a quick note on?" 09:41 <VoxPVoxD> "This thing lives on splitting people up." 09:41 <VoxPVoxD> "If we can't all fit in one van we should be on foot." 09:41 <Crion> Santana: "Makes sense." 09:42 <trenchfoot> Nels: "Um. Also I don't have a license. There weren't cars that drive like the ones these days." 09:42 <banana> “Most of us shouldn’t be in the van at all, is what I’m saying. We need to get at least one of the vehicles out, but- oh. Sorry, Nels.” Chagrined Melanie. 09:46 <Crion> Lopez: "Foot mobile formation alongside a slowly-progressing armored vehicle. Some Iraq shit." 09:47 <banana> Melanie: ”If that’s the name for it, yeah. What is this thing if not a terrorist?” 09:47 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart furrows his brow at that. 09:48 <trenchfoot> What's a -- you know what, she'll look it up later. 09:49 <Crion> Mutt's behind the wheel then? He's already scampering behind the bulletproofed windshield and thick armor, closing the heavy metal door, making grabby hands looking for the keys-- 09:49 <dammitwho> "What?" 09:49 <VoxPVoxD> Someone's making sure that kid doesn't just drive off, right? 09:49 <CBN> Tony, completely lost on all references here, scrounges up a post-it note and a pen, scribbling on it quick, folding it in half, closed, and offers it to Lopez. "We'll all get out of here, and I need you to give this to your bosses when you see them." It's pressed shut, bearing a smudge of dirt with what looks like a seal emblazoned on it that vaguely resembles a smirking bird. 09:50 <Crion> Lopez blinks. "O...kay?" 09:50 <CBN> Tony: "It's magic shit just roll with it and don't open it, thank you." 09:50 <Crion> "Right." Unless someone objects, Lopez will ride shotgun, but with a big-ass marksman's rifle. 09:50 <Crion> Santana will stay on foot. 09:55 <CBN> Tony's on foot as well, the soil golem with the baseball helmet, trudging alongside the vehicle with a shotgun on the suburban street. Only in Florida. 09:55 <trenchfoot> Nels is in the van with her revolver in her hand. Please don't make her have to use it. 09:56 <banana> Melanie will stay up front as best she can. This armour feels tough, and guarding the van like this.. something in it reminds her of the promises she made to the Young Street. The powers he promised to in turn. It’s not going to be like the last time. 10:03 <Crion> As the caravan moves into the Neighborhood, Mutt keeps the van steady and slow, but he's squirrely as hell behind the wheel. Would he just drive off if he thought it would benefit him? His eyes are certainly moving like it. Santana, meanwhile, is checking the addresses on the curbs, not the mailboxes, to see if there's any more sensible patterns to be found there. Around you, the Neighborhood 10:03 <Crion> is unnaturally still. 10:11 <banana> Melanie hums as she walks, trying to catch a tune that resonates with the world, force the Hedge to realise their whims. The force that haunts this place crushes it like a bug. The suburb shimmers, heated air and no change. 10:13 <CBN> Tony keeps his eyes peeled. Sure, all the lawns look the same, but they're the same in the Hedge, where everything's slightly different, even when it's same-y. So they should take the next left, right? 10:31 <trenchfoot> Melanie humming just makes Nels want to start signing herself. And she knows what they're trying to do-- let it go, let it go~ 10:33 <Crion> It actually seems to do...something. Hard to describe. The oppressiveness of the houses fades a bit. 10:41 <Crion> Then it appears in front of Maggie, like it was standing there all along: A gangly, faceless thing of teeth and knives in a polo shirt and chinos. It stands some eight, nine feet tall, but it's hunched over -- the better to stare directly into Maggie's eyes and screech something horrific and wrong that she somehow knows is 'Howdy, neighbor.' 10:43 <dammitwho> "Gah! Jesus!" It's scary as hell, but not so much that Maggie can't respond. 10:47 <Crion> The Bad Neighbor -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhjeZs9TmPo [distorted ice cream truck sounds] 10:52 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart just busts up laughing. It's not apparent why. 10:53 <Crion> As Maggie readies her weapon, Santana opens fire with the cold iron ammunition that Stewart passed out -- and tears big chunks out of the Bad Neighbour's church outfit. 11:02 <banana> Hey, these guys are pretty impressive. Seeing what the cold iron bullets do to the thing’s fabric.. Melanie shudders as she jogs around the front of the van toward it. That’s scarier than a hobgoblin. 11:03 <banana> Moisture gathers within her shadows, she twists her torso, and lashes out with infeasibly long limbs - a blow to the creature’s upper body, bowling it over despite its size. 11:03 <banana> Hey, these guys are pretty impressive. Seeing what the cold iron bullets do to the thing’s fabric.. Melanie shudders as she jogs around the front of the van toward it. That’s scarier than a hobgoblin. 11:03 <banana> Moisture gathers within her shadows, she twists her torso, and lashes out with infeasibly long limbs - a blow to the creature’s upper body, bowling it over despite its size. 11:06 <CBN> This thing's not very friendly! What the hell! And here it is, popping out, trying to predate monstrously on his friend? That won't stand at all. So Tony levels Slayer-of-Empties at it, mutters something about standing ground, and fires. 11:07 <Crion> The creature's entire top half basically comically vanishes against the 'pavement.' 11:08 <Crion> Its lower half wriggles, stands up, tries to lope off...and falls down again. This time it lies still. 11:08 <trenchfoot> Nels gags and then looks away. Jesus Christ. 11:08 <Crion> Lopez is already out of the vehicle. 11:08 <CBN> Tony winces despite himself. It's still really gross and horrible! 11:08 <Crion> Where's Nels, again? 11:09 <CBN> After taking a second, he looks around. "Should...should we bury it, or? It seems rude to just leave it out for other hobs to eat or something." 11:09 <trenchfoot> In the van. Formerly looking directly at the guy who just exploded. 11:09 <Crion> Mutt, to Nels: "Hey, don't you think you should go check on them?" 11:10 <banana> Melanie relaxes back into herself. Nice shot. 11:10 <trenchfoot> Nels: "Y-yeah. Just. Give me a minute." 11:10 <banana> She’s also going to stay right here, in front of the van, so Mutt doesn’t get ideas. 11:10 <CBN> Tony's also using this moment to reload the barrel he just cleared. Just seems like good sense. 11:11 <Crion> Mutt, staring at Melanie: "Take your time." 11:12 <trenchfoot> After a bit, she almost falls out of the van, then, to the rest of the motley: "Are you guys all okay?" 11:14 <Crion> Mutt stares Melanie in the face, smiles -- and throws the van in reverse, squealing back down the street. Santana barely gets out of the way. 11:14 <CBN> Tony: "Wha-" 11:14 <dammitwho> Maggie: "Christ almighty." To Tony: "Well, it's the circle of life, isn't it? Top hob predator gets taken out, all the little ones-- ah, geez!" 11:22 <Crion> The van wheels and swerves back to the intersection, and cackling, Mutt drives off in...some direction. 11:22 <VoxPVoxD> The good neighbor has guts like a lawnmower. Stewart's in line to get a face full of shrapnel. But then he remembers that reality bends to his imagination here. A chunk of blade whizzes past his head, green painted steel chassis still attached, and he plucks it from the air between two fingers, letting its momentum twist him all the way around. Without letting go, the blade ends up stretching 11:22 <VoxPVoxD> long and thin, and the chassis forms a smooth, shiny tractor-green cage hilt. 11:23 <Crion> Lopez: "What the fuck!" 11:23 <Crion> "Where the fuck is he -- Santana are you okay?" 11:23 <banana> Fucking moron. He’s certainly not getting rescued again. 11:23 <VoxPVoxD> "Yeah that was always gonna happen." 11:23 <banana> “We’re only a few blocks away. Back for the other van?” 11:24 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Might as well not walk back at this point, yeah." 11:24 <Crion> Santana: "I'm fine. Shiiiiit." 11:25 <VoxPVoxD> "Nice shots, by the way." 11:25 <Crion> "Why ain't this neighborhood fading away?" 11:25 <Crion> Santana: "Thanks, man. It's the job." He still sounds proud of himself though. 11:25 <dammitwho> Maggie: "Yeah, that was a helluva thing. Snazzy blade there, Stewart." 11:26 <VoxPVoxD> He's swinging the sword experimentally. It feels nice and light, but not too light. "Well, Specialist Santana, getting us out of here is Baron Bowen's job." 11:26 <trenchfoot> Nels: "It is... very nice." 11:26 <VoxPVoxD> "S'alright." 11:26 <VoxPVoxD> "Gonna want an iron one in a wooden cane when I get home. See if Summer'll let me hire Barbaddos." 11:26 <VoxPVoxD> "But this'll make a nice showpiece." 11:27 <VoxPVoxD> "'Good Fences'. Get it? Cause it was made from a Good Neighbor and it's for fencing." 11:27 <Crion> Santana: "Huh." 11:27 <trenchfoot> Nels: "Are you sure you want to become a sword guy, though?" 11:27 <Crion> Lopez: "Okay." 11:27 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I dunno, Nels. I'm kinda feeling it right now, though." 11:28 <VoxPVoxD> "Anyway. Let's get going." 11:28 <banana> Melanie: ”That would solve the ammo-splitting problem.” 11:28 <trenchfoot> "I'm just saying, I read things online." 11:28 <VoxPVoxD> "That's... well it's not your first mistake. But it's on the list." 11:28 <trenchfoot> She grimaces. 11:29 <Crion> The good news is the geography of the Neighborhood is a lot more stable now. You can even hear that idiot driving around in the distance, meaning it's not rearranging itself when you go just out of sight. 11:29 <Crion> ...The bad news is you can still hear that idiot driving around in the distance...? 11:30 <dammitwho> Maggie: "That dummy doesn't have any idea what he's doing." She chuckles. 11:30 <VoxPVoxD> "Should we follow him or just let him fuck off to annoy us later?" 11:31 <CBN> Tony: "Do you want him to be someone else's problem if they make the mistake of trusting him?" 11:31 <Crion> Santana: "Fuck 'im, I wanna get out of here. If we do come up on him, though, just let me know first, so I can change out these bullets." 11:31 <banana> ...they’d work fine, but Melanie is NOT telling Santana that. 11:32 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "They'll work fine. He's a fae creature too." 11:32 <VoxPVoxD> "We all are. You shoot at us you're gonna regret it, though." 11:32 <Crion> Santana: "Oh indeed. But why waste them?" 11:32 <Crion> Lopez sighs. "If you kill him, we'll have to write on it." 11:33 <VoxPVoxD> "That's why you're a Specialist and I'm a dilettante." 11:33 <Crion> Santana: "Really?" 11:33 <Crion> Lopez: "That's the rules." 11:33 <Crion> Santana: "You're really gonna let the CO know?" 11:33 <VoxPVoxD> "I would too," admits Stewart. 11:33 <VoxPVoxD> "My boss wants *everything* reported." 11:33 <VoxPVoxD> He looks at Tony. Which way? 11:34 <trenchfoot> Nels: "I don't think you can just have a guy disappear and not report it." 11:34 <Crion> Lopez: "Hell yes I am. What happens if some tall dark drink of piss with control over residential Orlando comes sauntering by later asking who killed his little, I don't know. Jester." 11:34 <CBN> Tony looks around. 'Which way' is a good question. 11:35 <CBN> Tony: "Coolest possible sword there, by the way." 11:35 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Who takes that little shit on as a jester? Keeper Bam Margera?" 11:35 <VoxPVoxD> "Thanks!" 11:35 <trenchfoot> Who's -- another thing to look up later. 11:35 <Crion> Lopez: "Look, kid, they don't pay me to know the answer to that question. Maybe they pay you to." 11:36 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "No, I'm here for the love of the game." 11:36 <trenchfoot> Nels: "You guys get paid?" 11:38 <Crion> Santana: "That's how the man in the enlistment office got my black ass through the door." 11:38 <VoxPVoxD> "Hey, let's check the radio. See if the lawnmower man was what was jamming the radio." 11:38 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart'll do that. "Uhh, I don't know codes. Breaker, breaker. No, that's truckers." 11:39 <CBN> Tony looks at Nels: "You don't?" 11:39 <CBN> Tony: "I figured everybody's courts cover their incidentals if you do stuff for them once in awhile..." 11:39 <Crion> Back at the van, once properly turned on and tuned up, the light on the radio's green again. "Stewart? Is that you?" 11:39 <Crion> Lauren. 11:40 <trenchfoot> Nels: "I'm a music teacher? I mean, the court covers incidentals, but..." 11:40 <CBN> Tony shrugs: "You just gotta learn to drink incidentally my friend." 11:41 <banana> Melanie: ”Summer Court keeps saying a white girl who doesn’t know anything about cars wouldn’t be much help with their... operations.” 11:41 <trenchfoot> Nels: "Like I said, music teacher. Drinking incidentally is just. Yeah." 11:41 <VoxPVoxD> "Yes! Hey babe. We're with the survivors at Wal Mart. Specialists Lopez and Santana. Most of their unit got picked off by some kind of terrain hob. But it wasn't immune to bullets or getting telekinetically decked by Mellie." 11:41 <Crion> Lauren: "Holy shit you scared me! You've been gone hours--" 11:41 <Crion> "Okay." 11:42 <Crion> "I'll go tell the team leader and Orr. Be right back." 11:42 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart's got that slightly flat, but very upbeat affect she's probably realized by now comes from intense dissociative focus. 11:42 <Crion> Lopez: "There's still a Humvee here; we can follow you out." 11:43 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart's ready when everyone else is. 11:45 <Crion> When the convoy's ready, you'll depart the Walmart parking lot in triumph, take the first left, notice that there's a sign back to the highway now, follow it to its end... 11:45 <Crion> And find a great, yawning chasm between the end of the Neighborhood and the rest of Cocoa Commons. 11:46 <Crion> It rings the Neighborhood. All the way around. 11:46 <Crion> And you find Mutt there, where the highway should be, standing by the van he stole, looking very nervous. 11:46 <VoxPVoxD> Run out of gas? 11:47 <Crion> More like can't, or hasn't tried, jumping a...thirty yard? Forty yard? Bottomless pit. 11:47 <Crion> Certainly not in something that heavy. 11:47 <dammitwho> Maggie: "Hey there, dummy. Should've thought about this shit a little harder, huh?" 11:47 <Crion> Stewart ever play Silent Hill? 11:47 <VoxPVoxD> Up to 4. 11:48 <trenchfoot> If he thought about this shit he wouldn't have tried to go solo. 11:48 <Crion> This is like when the game is herding you through the streets to a certain location...except you're pretty sure you killed the level designer, and it's just sorta, like this now. 11:48 <Crion> Santana is already getting out of the Humvee and pulling out his Glock. 11:48 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Ah. Don't wanna Evel Kinevel in a tactical van?" 11:49 <Crion> Mutt: "Hey. Hey! Hey hey hey don't -- you can't hit me, I'm just a little guy, hey, it's my birthday, I'm tbe birthday boy," 11:49 <VoxPVoxD> "Man how old are you? Help me calibrate my references. I got a real mixed crowd here." 11:49 <VoxPVoxD> "If I compared you unfavorably to Bam Margera, would you understand?" 11:49 <Crion> Mutt sorta makes a squinched up face and shrugs. 11:49 <Crion> "Oh, yeah, definitely." 11:50 <trenchfoot> Nels: "Who's that?" 11:50 <VoxPVoxD> "Okay, cool." 11:50 <Crion> Santana is shaking his head in disbelief. 11:50 <VoxPVoxD> To Nels: "You gotta look up the Minutemen when we get out of here." 11:50 <Crion> Mutt: "But hey! I already scouted it all out for all of you! We're stuck!" 11:50 <banana> Melanie: “The what? Like the border guys?” 11:51 <CBN> Tony: "Have you tried jumping the gap?" 11:51 <Crion> "You know, just scouting ahead with the van! It was helpful! I was helping." 11:51 <dammitwho> Maggie, bashfully: "I can get us over that." 11:51 <trenchfoot> Nels: "They were like, a militia? Or are there other Minutemen?" 11:51 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "It's a punk band. But they've got good guitar work. They did the theme song for the show Jackass, which stars our friend Mutt here." 11:51 <CBN> Tony looks at Maggie quizzically. 11:51 <VoxPVoxD> To Maggie: "Yeah?" 11:51 <Crion> Incredulously to Tony: "You think I made a deal with every pole vault in the world or something? Buddy, I can't jump that far!" 11:52 <dammitwho> "Sure. That's, what, thirty yards? No problem. But, uh, you all have to turn around first." 11:52 <dammitwho> "I can't do it while you're watching." 11:52 <trenchfoot> That's weird, but okay. 11:52 <VoxPVoxD> Demonstrating with his sword: "You heard the lady." 11:53 <Crion> Mutt: "What?" 11:53 <Crion> "I mean. Sure. But I'll be listening." 11:53 <Crion> "Don't try to sneak up on me. Eyes in the back of my hair!" 11:53 <CBN> Tony turns around. Hedge stuff is always like this, he knows this. Asking questions just slows you down. 11:53 <banana> Ehhh. Melanie wants to see! 11:53 <VoxPVoxD> It's probably gonna sound real weird. 11:54 <Crion> Lopez and Santana are more dubious, but they'll turn around too. 11:54 <VoxPVoxD> "Maggie's the most trustworthy person in the entire world." 11:54 <banana> She’ll get out of the van and turn around but.. cmon. 11:54 <dammitwho> Maggie, to Melanie: "Seriously, you can't look. I'm not gonna do it otherwise." 11:54 <banana> “You have to describe how cool it is then.” 12:01 <dammitwho> The sound that Maggie makes is very distinctly recognizable, at least to Stewart - it's a 8 Hz pulse, repeated five times, whose pitch can be represented by the absolute value of an increasing sine wave. Except... this one is, for lack of a better term, moister. Like something organic got caught in a gearshaft. 12:02 <VoxPVoxD> Ahahaha holy shit. No way. Is she gonna— 12:02 <dammitwho> "Okay, you can turn around now!" Maggie's voice crackles a little, like it's coming out of a PA system. If and when the others turn back to face her, in Maggie's place is a friendly-looking armored minivan with WHEREHOUSE - ON CALL painted on the doors in friendly letters. 12:03 <VoxPVoxD> "Holy SHIT!" 12:03 <CBN> Tony: "Cool beans!" 12:03 <Crion> Santana: "..." 12:03 <Crion> Lopez: "What..." 12:04 <trenchfoot> Uh. 12:04 <trenchfoot> Well, all right. 12:04 <VoxPVoxD> "Is that a regular shapeshifting contract?" 12:04 <Crion> Mutt: "Oh man that's wicked. I once knew a guy who turned into a--" Now Lopez smacks him. 12:04 <VoxPVoxD> "You gotta tell me how you did that." 12:05 <dammitwho> Maggie: "Props and scenery, is all. I remembered you tellin' me about that video game where the little gribbly fellas turn into coffee cups and whatnot. Same principle." 12:05 <dammitwho> "Anyhoo. Thirty yards is nothing, I can jump that no problem." 12:05 <banana> Melanie: ？？？ 12:05 <dammitwho> To be clear, Maggie is speaking out of the minivan's radio. 12:05 <Crion> She can probably hold everyone, if you squeeze in. 12:06 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Prey Twenty Seventeen kicks ass. POGChamp donated $200 to get me to play it on stream and then we had to ban him because he kept saying I was in the Goo Cucks Clan." 12:07 <banana> “Is it ok to - can we go in.. you..” 12:07 <VoxPVoxD> "The more you talk about it the weirder it's gonna be." 12:07 <VoxPVoxD> Is there a driver's seat? 12:08 <VoxPVoxD> That feels like the least weird place to sit, so Stewart will dibs it. 12:08 <dammitwho> Sure. It's an ordinary up-armored minivan, except that it's also a person. 12:08 <VoxPVoxD> " 12:08 <VoxPVoxD> "Do I have to drive you, or can you take it from here?" 12:08 <trenchfoot> That's still weird, you know that, right? 12:09 <banana> Oh my god. Thinking about it makes it weirder tooo 12:09 <VoxPVoxD> No thoughts. No words. Just vibes. 12:09 <Crion> Lopez and Santana are hesitant. To say the least. But they don't need active coaxing. 12:09 <VoxPVoxD> Speaking of which: "Maggie, put some music on, why don't you?" 12:09 <Crion> Mutt's still talking about his buddy who turned into a sex machine. Literally. 12:10 <VoxPVoxD> "I feel like David Hasselhoff." 12:10 <dammitwho> Maggie: "You will not be driving anyone, young man. Hands in your lap." 12:10 <VoxPVoxD> "Yes, ma'am." 12:10 <VoxPVoxD> See once the talking car gets sassy it stops being weird and starts being funny. 12:11 <banana> Melanie: godddd ”Do you need us to make a ramp?” 12:11 <dammitwho> Maggie: "No, I just, kinda, jump. It'll make sense when I do it." 12:12 <trenchfoot> Nels: "Do I need to prepare for that? Because that sounds dangerous." 12:13 <dammitwho> "Alright, I think I've figured this radio out. This one goes out to Stewart, and here we go--" Once everyone's piled inside, uh, her, Maggie will back up to get a running start, and click her radio over to some music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r679Hhs9Zs 12:13 <VoxPVoxD> Niiiiiiiiice. 12:16 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart would be feeling such warm feelings for his found family right now if he hadn't throttled all of his emotions to keep from having a breakdown. 12:16 <banana> Melanie doesn’t want to hold onto anything so she wraps her arms around herself and listens to the song. This is so cool if you don’t think about it. 12:17 <dammitwho> Maggie peels the fuck out, accelerating to top speed at the chasm, and then... jumps. Like something looney tunes is happening with the tires such that they can act like bent knees. They soar through the air to the sound of the Doors, hit the ground on the other side a little off-center so as to drift sideways and screech to a halt facing back the way they came. 12:19 <Crion> As soon as she's back on terra firma, Mutt has literally dove out the open window and is running full speed off towards...who knows where. Freedom. 12:19 <Crion> You can chase him down if you wish. 12:19 <Crion> He didn't swipe anything before leaving. 12:19 <Crion> Santana and Lopez will also want to get out ASAP. 12:19 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "That dog won't hunt." 12:20 <CBN> Tony's too busy thinking about how this is the coolest thing that has ever happened in his entire life and also something he's profoundly uncomfortable ever talking about because it involved riding inside one of his friends. 12:20 <CBN> So Mutt can probably just go do his thing or whatever. 12:20 <dammitwho> I mean, we don't actually want that guy around. So long as we're not abandoning him in the middle of a terrifying faerie village he can, and should, go get lost. 12:21 <trenchfoot> At this point it's his own fault. 12:21 <Crion> He has done so, with alacrity. 12:21 <banana> Melanie, before getting out with only a little less alacrity: ”Thank you. Very nice stunt.” 12:23 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart gets out more gingerly, and pats the side of the van. "Maggie Bakehead Saves The Day." 12:24 <VoxPVoxD> Do we still have the radio? I guess at this point we're just going back to base. 12:24 <banana> Da-na, na-na, na-na-nuh-na-na 12:24 <CBN> Tony, suddenly a little worried: "Everyone make sure you got all your stuff out first! I don't want to ask Maggie what happens if you leave anything behind and I really don't want her to answer!" 12:24 <Crion> Santana and Lopez check twice. 12:24 <CBN> He has checked his nonexistent pockets about five times already. 12:24 <trenchfoot> Nels steps out and is grateful to have the ground under her feet. Solid earth... 12:24 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart was gonna make a Junior Mints joke that no one was gonna get, but now he can't, because of Tony's conscientiousness. 12:24 <dammitwho> Maggie: "What, are you guys just walking?" 12:25 <Crion> At this point, though...you did leave the radio on the other side. And the troops would appreciate a lift back. 12:25 <VoxPVoxD> "...do you not want us to?" 12:26 <CBN> Tony: "She's kinda got a point....." 12:26 <trenchfoot> Nels: "It's. Weirder if she asks, though?" 12:26 <trenchfoot> "No offense, Maggie." 12:27 <banana> Melanie: ”Okay. We have to get over this.” 12:27 <VoxPVoxD> Stewart gets back inside Maggie. 12:27 <banana> “Maggie, how do you... experience passengers? Like, physically.” 12:27 <VoxPVoxD> "Melanie!" 12:27 <VoxPVoxD> "Ask later!" 12:28 <dammitwho> Maggie: "Lemme answer your question with a question: is there any answer I could give you that would make you more comfortable with this?" 12:28 <trenchfoot> Nels: "...probably not." 12:28 <trenchfoot> She gets inside the Maggie Van without further complaint. 12:29 <banana> Melanie: ”Me personally, yes. I am susceptible to reasoned debate. I also understand that it would be best to defer the debate at this time.” 12:30 <CBN> Tony gets back in and covers his ears and closes his eyes until it's over ('it' being the conversation, the trip, or some combination).