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<Crion> It hasn't been that long in the Wherehouse since the motley found the secret, improbably-located caravan-hollow of the Proctor and his pack atop a "building" just of the main trod cutting through this section of Baltimore. Perhaps just enough time for a certain gamer to go on a dinner date at a hotel downtown, and perhaps meet a wizard or two, in variously scary ways. The Pigs still seem to
<Crion> be tromping around outside -- it's not that they know where the Wherehouse is, precisely (or at least they don't seem to), but they do seem to be able to tell something's up here, and that it's making fools out of them, and that this should make them angry.
<Crion> So, given their nature, they're angry.
<Crion> This mostly manifests as snorting and bellowing and slapping each other about and terrorizing any hobs smaller than them who cross their sightline. Which is something like half of Tony's little buddies on this side of the hedgewall, come to think of it.
<banana> To Melanie Lucas, it seems like a reason to spend some time in the real world. She's thought about it, and she's worried about becoming *disconnected*, hiding away in this Hedge-hole like a voluntary return-to-the-womb. But she's thought about that too, and she's worried it's an excuse, a mental tic to delay confrontation. Best not to express an opinion at all, then.
<dammitwho> Maggie is quietly retching into the toilet they've managed to install.
<trenchfoot> Nels Foulke will likely be spending time away from the Wherehouse, unless called - she's aware of the incursions, but given she was specifically instructed to be wary of the pigs, and they want to drive the attention away from themselves... (they do, right? They should. Golly. Maybe they don't.) If called, though, she'll be first on the scene.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's been... not avoiding the Wherehouse exactly, but minimizing the voluntary time he spends there. Which means spending a lot of time in his apartment. Every now and then he rereads the article about the engine fire outside the Belvedere on the WBAL website.
<VoxPVoxD> He is there, doing server maintenance, to hear Maggie being unwell. "Is everything okay?" he calls experimentally from a possibly too safe distance away.
<banana> Is anyone else hanging around the place today? This isn't.. good.. it's not like they have that much alcohol around.
<banana> And who would you catch a flu from? Melanie is going to kind of skulk near Maggie, looking like someone who you could in theory ask for help if you really needed it, if you noticed them.
<dammitwho> Before this moment, she'd been bringing scavenged engine parts to a bit of the Wherehouse with a jury-rigged table and some newspapers on the floor, to repair and then sell on these websites she found called 'craig's list' and 'e-bay'. Bring in a little extra cash so poor Stewart isn't paying for everything.
<CBN> Tony's mad about The Pigs being exactly the way they are, but he knows enough from Steve to know it's like getting mad at the rain. Bring an umbrella and stay under overhangs where possible. Which he'll probably need to do pretty soon.
<VoxPVoxD> What is Stewart gonna spend his streaming money on? A series of progressively more expensive office chairs?
<dammitwho> "S'alright!" She calls out in between sick noises. "Thought about coming in the Hedge way, see how bad the pigs were on that side... never got close. Guess I found some abhorse."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "What's abhorse?"
<banana> Melanie: "Do you mean like the book?"
<banana> "Hey Stewart."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart looks over at Melanie.
<dammitwho> An Autumn courtier, or anyone with an interest in the bestiaries of the Hedge, will probably have heard of the abhorse. No one draws or takes pictures of them, but not for any particularly supernatural reason: they're just really gross. Here's what a scholar might know:
<dammitwho> - You'll know them when you see them
<dammitwho> - More hooves than you'd like, fewer bones than you want
<dammitwho> - "moist"
<banana> For some reason Melanie's skulking particularly far away from Stewart, as if avoiding giving offence. Her indoor skulk is more like a loom, though.
<dammitwho> - Actually more closely related to fae slime molds than horses, despite the physical resemblance
<Crion> They...bounce...when they run.
<dammitwho> - Larval abhorse 'burst' into existence at around hand-size, and grow until killed or they collapse under their own weight into organ failure
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart was hoping for a 'not much, what's abhorse with you?'. This is so much worse.
<dammitwho> - If a small one gets into your Hollow, they *will* fall asleep on your face at night. This will not suffocate you but you'll wish it had
<banana> https://bloodborne.wiki.fextralife.com/file/Bloodborne/ludwig.jpg ?
<dammitwho> If Stewart has read anything on the Autumn wiki about them, he might see an annotation by Lauren comparing them to The Thing, if the Thing weren't scary or threatening and had put those character points into being gross instead.
<Crion> Luckily, your Hollow is such that it should be impossible for all but the largest, scariest, most gelatinous abhorses to force entry.
<VoxPVoxD> If Maggie's fine, Stewart goes to say hi to Melanie. "Hey! I see you got your TV moved over."
<trenchfoot> Nels pauses while carrying a guitar case into her room. It's somehow more beat up than her regular one. "I - okay. What do we do about them?"
<banana> Melanie: "Ah! Yes, hi. I did, yes."
<Crion> As for Tony, Steve's been getting more and more demonstrative, but not to the case of being a bad houseguest. He's just, waggling his wings more now. In fact over the last day he's taken to just walking around with them out the entire time.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "...is everything okay?"
<banana> She should really catch Stewart before he leaves this time. She meant to ask the other day, but you have to work up to these things and people are so busy with, for example, servers and nausea and
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Uwwaaa. Okay. Okay. I think I'm done." The sink runs briefly, and she finally exits the bathroom. "Well, hey, y'all! I hope you're having a better day than I had!"
<banana> Whatever, now if she doesn't say anything he'll start doing his thing and they'll enter a mutual nervous loop. Give Melanie credit, in her opinion, for pattern recognition. "Yeah, but there was something I wanted to check with you actually."
<dammitwho> "What's going on?"
<CBN> Tony: "Hey Steve you uh...you ok there buddy?" He says this like he's trying to talk over a loud fan, even though Steve's wings aren't making noise, it just...seems appropriate.
<trenchfoot> Nels: "So... they're fine? The abhorse?"
<Crion> honk
<Crion> Steve hasn't seen the Watermelon Bros in a couple days.
<Crion> He's suspicious.
<trenchfoot> Steve is honking. That is... alarming. Tony will let them know if it really is or if he just really wants more beers.
<dammitwho> Maggie: "I don't think they're... a threat. It's just... lordy."
<CBN> Tony: "The Watermelon...run that one by me again Steve good buddy."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "I'll take a look next time I run around. Um. I haven't really - done, work, here..."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's relieved his awkwardly direct question isn't being deflected. "What's up?"
<Crion> honk honk
<banana> The others are turning up.. still, it's not like this conversation can't take place in a corner with other people around. "Stewart, I thought about the discussion we had before going out last week and it's like.. you had this look on your face, like the one you put on on stream when something comically absurd happens. Like 'is this really happening'."
<banana> "So like I feel like maybe you had some concerns? About what we've agreed to do?"
<Crion> The Watermelon Bros are, of course, three comically-large but not like, people-sized watermelon. One walks on two legs, one walks on two hands, one trundles about on eight tiny spindle...things. The limbs also seem to be made out of watermelon...? Very odd. Anyhow, they don't move very quickly, and they're the right size for a Pig to wind up and kick.
<Crion> And Steve hasn't seem them in a few days (he's been cautiously poking his head about).
<CBN> Tony: "You want we should go look for them for you? I can probably get the team together and do it as a favor, to you."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Oh." Silence, punctuated by distant, plaintive honking. Then: "I guess? It's not a huge deal."
<banana> Melanie: "Mmm. I mean maybe not, but. Sorry, I'm being incoherent. Let me set out the thesis here:"
<Crion> Steve walks around in a circle with his wings spread, honking, then walks out of the room, wings still spread, honking.
<Crion> That's a yes.
<Crion> From the other room: the sound of a fridge opening.
<CBN> Tony finishes his current thinking-about-punching-a-cop-anyway beer and hollers loud enough to carry through the Wherehouse, "HEY ANYBODY BUSY TONIGHT"
<banana> "The starting point is that most of us-" she gestures at Nels learning from Maggie about horrid things. Hello Nels! "- have very little reference for what is okay. For what is acceptable human behaviour anymore."
<banana> "We're maximally displaced, temporally or physically or mentally. Two of us have amnesia" Sort Of "before you even get into the social norm issues. So if you spotted something that nobody else did, something that's not okay about this process we've got going to deal with the loyalists.. what is it, please?"
<trenchfoot> Nels waves back, not listening to the conversation.
<dammitwho> Maggie, to Nels: "Aw, you don't have to worry about that. Though, if you've got an idea...?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart sucks in a breath. "I think we might be being a little cavalier about violence, is all."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "Um. Have a chat with some hobs, figure out if they'd be willing to - I gave one a second chance at life, yeah? Maybe we could have some kind of - garden, they help with."
<trenchfoot> "And I go on patrols. Sometimes. Because somebody should."
<banana> Loudly: "Tony, I'm not doing anything."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah, do you need help?"
<CBN> Tony: "Steve does!"
<VoxPVoxD> To Melanie: "We should go help Steve."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Ooh, that sounds nice! We've got an ordinary sort of garden already, so if you could get some hobs in to-- Eh? What's that, Steve?"
<banana> Melanie: "Okay. But your concern is one I have. Desensitisation or an aborted resensitisation which becomes.. friction, between us or us and others. Um, I got a promise from the summer court."
<CBN> Tony: "It's the...Watermelon Boys? And The Pigs! This will make sense soon I promise!"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "A promise?"
<Crion> Don't wanna go saying stuff like that, Tone.
<CBN> Tony "...or more sense than so far!"
<Crion> honk
<banana> This is quiet, just to Stewart: "Langford List swore an oath that he wouldn't try and turn you four into any kind of 'kill team', no routine tasking with this sort of thing. They hunt us down, they have to be hunted, but it can't be for everyone or we've lost the peace."
<Crion> Steve has finished his beer. He is now wearing...a Sherlock Holmes hat? Where did he get this? Did one of you have this lying around?
<trenchfoot> Nels: "...I know what most of those words are, Melanie? Could you use smaller ones."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I don't think it would be somebody else doing it to us."
<VoxPVoxD> "By command or anything. It's a reaction, right? It's our reaction, collectively."
<banana> "Our reaction to being shot at."
<CBN> Tony's only hats are trucker hats, and someday he hopes to get one of those football helmets with the can holders on the side. This is all on Steve.
<banana> Melanie: "Nels, desensitisation is a concept in psychology where major trauma or repeated exposure to something which should naturally repel you becomes normal, so that you can't tell it's a problem. Like a mental callus."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "...We should talk more later?" Oh my God she missed so much.
<banana> "Yeah, this stuff is important to learn about because of The Circumstances."
<trenchfoot> She can hear the capital letters.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart can feel the capital letters. "We should talk about this when there's no time pressure."
<banana> "Let's ask Tony what we're about to do. And take a moment to think about whether it's the right thing to do, even if we get honked."
<banana> Melanie doesn't trust "Steve"'s sense of urgency, anyway.
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Now, what are 'Watermelon Boys'?"
<trenchfoot> Nels: "Honk," she agrees blandly.
<VoxPVoxD> Melanie's right, it mainly is that that honk is anxiety-inducing.
<CBN> Tony clears his throat. "Okay, so. The Watermelon Boys are friends of Steve's, or whatever's close to friends, for hobs, it's weird. But, he hasn't seen them around in a few days and he's worried The Pigs are bullying them. They are large watermelons and they sound nice, and could be useful to helping us get better oriented with the area without having to go looking for stuff ourselves so much."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "And he wants us to go look for the Boys?"
<trenchfoot> She stiffens at the pigs. Carefully: "I was told not to mess with the pigs, my first time here."
<CBN> Tony: "So, we go find some Pigs, shoo them off with brooms or get them to chase something else, or find a safer place for the Watermelon Boys, or something."
<trenchfoot> "I get the impression they get shooed off with, um. Bullets."
<CBN> Tony: "Still working out the details, but we can't just leave them to get rolled around on their sides while they little limbs flail around."
<banana> Melanie's forgotten what watermelon tastes like... "So do hobgoblins around here adopt cutesy disguises as a kind of camoflague?"
<CBN> Tony: "I think that's just what they are?"
<dammitwho> Maggie: "I figure people mainly spread stories about the dangerous ones, for pretty obvious reasons."
<banana> Melanie: "They're all dangerous. We didn't even have a hat in that size."
<Crion> honk
<CBN> Tony: "All the more reason for us to get as many of them on our side as possible, right?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Do the pigs eat normal food? We could try bribing them with donuts."
<banana> lol
<CBN> Tony claps his hands together and double-hand-points at Stewart, grinning. "This guy gets it! I love where your head's at on this one man."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "I like that plan. Sneak up on 'em, leave out some donuts, rescue the Watermelon Boys while all the piggies have their snouts in the trough."
<VoxPVoxD> Most of them will have their two front trotters in as well.
<trenchfoot> Nels: "I'm still in favor of bullets."
<CBN> Tony: "Now...where do we get a bunch of donuts? I can probably buy a bunch if someone doesn't mind fronting me meals for a couple days too."
<banana> Melanie: "I think bribing them would be safer. We shouldn't go near them ourselves, like we shouldn't provoke them when they're already circling." She's watching Nels. Collective reactions.. is Stewart both right and wrong? Expecting to need to defend yourself isn't the same as being cavalier about it.
<CBN> To Nels: "Call that a Plan B?"
<trenchfoot> Nels: "...is there any place we can get here from a donut shop?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "There's gonna be a Dunkin Donuts within a block or two out elevatorside."
<Crion> You may assume there is one.
<trenchfoot> Nels: "No, I mean - away from here. They're looking for us. We should make them look somewhere else."
<banana> Melanie: "You mean like we could tell them 'there's more where this came from, corner of Fifth and Elsewhere?"
<CBN> Tony: "Cool. So who's kicking in on this? Tony pulls out the spare cash from his pockets and puts it on the large wooden spool currently serving as a coffee table in the main area.
<Crion> honk
<dammitwho> Maggie has some money, and will put in her share.
<Crion> Steve produces, from somewhere, a pair of 4 dollar bills featuring one E. Stonefarthing (??) on the front and the Nixon Monument on the back (????) and one actual piece of legal American tender in the form of a single one.
<banana> Melanie's got a debit card, or we could use one of those apps where you do social payment and Google keeps track of it all. She's been reading about that.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's got plenty of cash.
<CBN> Tony waves a hand at Steve. "No way man, this one's on us. You can pick up the next time, we know you're good for it."
<trenchfoot> ...thank you, Steve.
<Crion> honk
<Crion> He takes back the two, uh, fake bills, but doesn't seem to even notice the one.
<CBN> Tony will accept the gracious addition, in that event. "Ok, so we should be able to get...wait before I go do this, Steve, The Pigs eat donuts, right? Like, regular donuts, shaped like donuts, made of dough?"
<trenchfoot> Oh! Oh, bills. Because Steve is a goose.
<Crion> honk honk honk, and more waving of wings. Steve doesn't talk to Pigs, Steve doesn't ask what Pigs like, and Steve sure as hell doesn't FEED Pigs.
<trenchfoot> Good Steve.
<CBN> Tony: " Also, I like where Nels's head is at on this Melanie---I feel like Pigs would beat us for trying to bribe them, after taking the bribe."
<banana> Melanie: "But they're stereotypes. 'Hey, Officer, you look like you've been working hard. Surely you deserve a break.'"
<CBN> Tony: "I can see that working...yeah, yeah this is good. And hopefully no gunplay today!"
<CBN> To Nels: "Unless you really want to...? But if it's like anything else we do around here it'll come up anyway."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "I really don't. But - I was told to keep my gun on me, and to avoid them. So."
<trenchfoot> "I worry."
<banana> Melanie: "The backup plan is being able to defeat them if they go for us."
<CBN> Tony nods. "Fair, all things considered. But I don't want anybody getting shot...again..."
<trenchfoot> She rubs her shoulder. "You're telling me."
<banana> "Maybe it's the backup backup plan? Let's go get the stuff and think of other ways to shoo off a pest without making it bite."
<CBN> Tony gathers up the cash they've got. "Ok, someone wanna go with me? Probably just need one other set of hands for carrying boxes and getting the door. Then, we can go distract Pigs to save the Watermelon Boys! Sounds easy."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "That's me, I suspect."
<banana> Melanie: "I'd like to-" She's late again.
<CBN> Tony: "Hey, many hands make light work."
<Crion> Steve will actually try to follow Tony and whoever out to the elevator until he realizes where they're going and then without a single honk, change in expression, or breaking of stride, wheel around and trundle back into the Hollow to get himself another beer.
<trenchfoot> ...good Steve.
<CBN> Tony: "Stewart, can you and Maggie make sure Steve doesn't borrow any more hats? We'll be right back." He nods to Melanie. "You can come too! Get the door for us, we'll carry. More donuts, more bribery, more success."
<banana> "Yes, okay." :)
<trenchfoot> Nels is checking her revolver, but she nods to Melanie. Mels. Can she call her that? Not yet probably.
<dammitwho> Maggie nods affably. "Sure, sure." To Stewart: "I think he brought that one in with him anyhow."
<CBN> And with that, Tony and Team Donut head back to the real world, where there are donuts, and you can simply exchange cash for goods and services.
<banana> Melanie's really happy to be included. And to have an example to learn from, although- she'd better check. "So who here has bought takeout in the last hundred years?"
<Crion> Steve, meanwhile, disappears for a little bit out into the Hedge, but returns in some six or seven minutes. He now holds a magnifying glass in his beak, on a chain around his torso so it just hangs off him when he drops it. Instead of getting another beer, he simply plops down somewhere mildly inconvenient and stares at various things, sometimes through the magnifying glass, sometimes not.
<CBN> Tony smiles broadly. "I do it literally every day."
<banana> Melanie: "Wow! How does it usually.. go? Like what do you say when you go into the shop."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "So, what's new in Stewart world?"
<trenchfoot> Nels: "Um. Technically yes?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I went to a wizard bar and saw one of them light a cop on fire."
<CBN> Tony: "Usually, I say the number of the thing I want on the menu, but now I've done that enough that they just say, 'Usual again Mr. Tony?' and I say yup, and it's ready already."
<VoxPVoxD> "Me and Lauren had dinner. The Owl Bar at the Belvedere Hotel."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Yow! Like, a regular ordinary cop?"
<banana> Melanie: "That's pretty much how they do it in sitcoms, but I have to get to the point of having a usual. Like.. nobody writes a book on how to interact in a basic commercial transaction, or if they do, it's for people learning English?"
<CBN> Tony: "It helps if you eat the same thing at the same place basically every day."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "I usually cook. It's - not great. Cheap, though. But when I was on the road I would buy from restaurants."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart shakes his head. "I think he was some kind of wizard cop. Wizards all have superhero names, like Fireman and Permit. Singular was the cop, his partner was Permit. They were trying to intimidate me for being on wizard turf or something."
<VoxPVoxD> After a pause. "No, that's not fair, they definitely were intimidating me."
<banana> Melanie: "That's cool. I'm sure this isn't really a big deal, like it's a perfectly normal thing for people to be doing and nobody will really get mad if you don't know the right form of words."
<VoxPVoxD> "Lauren didn't see them, she'd already left."
<CBN> Tony: "You can also point at the menu if you need to, I've seen people do that a couple times. They have picture ones and big numbers too."
<dammitwho> "Golly. Glad you got away alright." She thinks for a bit. "So... wizards are real, huh? I guess that partly answers something I'd been thinking about."
<VoxPVoxD> "What's that?"
<banana> "It's just-" She's glad for the shield of the market crowds all around them, anonymity of the masses. "When talking one-on-one to someone normal I can't shake the feeling that they can tell. That they can see me."
<CBN> Tony: "I'll grab a menu from my usual place the next time I swing by and leave it on the fridge. I get the feeling you do better with something you can read and study."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "It's - mostly they can't. If you can fake it." She looks very uncomfortable. "If they can tell, you will know."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Just if, you know, the Lords and Ladies are real, what else goes bump in the night? Draculas? Werewolfs? Frankensteins?"
<banana> Melanie: "Thank you!" To Nels: "Did someone.."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "It got handled. Um. Apparently some people peek into the hedge and don't like what they see, but it sticks."
<banana> "Well, I'm with them on that."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Oh man. One of the jobs the Autumn Court is having me do is populate our wiki. I have to find information about vampires and the local vampire population."
<banana> "You seem to like it ok out there, Tony?"
<dammitwho> Her eyebrows shoot up. "Vampires too?!"
<VoxPVoxD> "A wiki is like an online group-edited encyclopedia."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "For sure vampires. I met one. He exploded into a cloud of bats and everything."
<dammitwho> Loftily: "Stewart, I am well-versed in the Wikipedia."
<trenchfoot> "Asked me for a five, 'cause it didn't mean as much as it used to. But they kept him away from me, and he probably wasn't part of a bigger thing..."
<VoxPVoxD> "Yeah? You ever fall down a wiki hole?"
<banana> Melanie: "Everything's connected. Not literally, in the sense that not everything is organised forces conspiring against us.. some of the winter people at the mixers, they had that idea, but it's not that bad. It's just that everything affects everything else."
<trenchfoot> Nels, firmly: "He wasn't one of Them. That was all I was worried about."
<dammitwho> "Is that where you go to look something up, but you 'click' on a 'link' to something else, and that takes you to something else, and so on...?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "That's exactly it."
<CBN> Tony: "Less that I like it, and more, it's what's out there. You go to work, you go home, you go to sleep, you wake up, do it again, it's stable, it's easy. And if you do it right you aren't seeing anyone die every day for forty years."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Oh, sure then."
<CBN> Tony: "My job, jobs, are trash, but like my dad used to say, you're supposed to hate your job, that's how you know it's working."
<banana> Melanie: "Got it. I want to apologise in advance though, because I can't do.. stable. Like it scares me, I have to learn or change or make new connections. I'm going to try not to do that in a way that destabilises anyone else, it's just.. wait and watch, let the days go by. That's easy and natural and it's the worst, I can't do it anymore."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "Tony. Are you okay?" She seems genuinely concerned and also not exactly sure how to handle this.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's mind wanders back to the night he met the Count of St. Sebastian, and helped Gerald dispose of three bodies. His face darkens ever so slightly. "One time I started at Japanese swordsmiths and ended up at mathematical representations of quantum mechanics."
<CBN> He nods at Melanie "No that's cool, if every team was just quarterbacks nothing would get done." And to Nels. "Are any of us? Heh. But yeah." He takes a deep, sucking breath that he holds just a hitch too long. "Just don't make me bury anybody and I'll be better."
<trenchfoot> She nods, incredibly sure. "No burials. Got it."
<banana> Melanie: "We promise." She *wasn't* concerned for Tony and maybe she should have been. But his attitude seems perfectly reasonable to her, it would kill her to do that again but isn't it normal, to withdraw and endure? That's why these perspectives are important. Nels, a century out of time, is in some ways the least desensitised of them all.
<CBN> He clears his throat. "Anyway! Donuts! Should be this way and we can get onto the better business of saving lil melon guys from Pigs."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Not sure how serious to take most of it, but I guess between all the people involved it evens out." Cheerfully: "At least if I'm wrong I'll be wrong with a bunch of other folks."
<CBN> Tony leads the pair out of the elevator, locates the nearest Krispy Kreme, and, hopefully, they're well on their way to securing their cargo in short order.
<banana> Melanie: "Let's get some extra. Nels needs the tough-girl introduction to corn sugar."
<CBN> Tony grins. "Stewart gave us two twenties. Who does that? Anyway Nels is getting a bear claw for sure."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "They did what with sugar?"
<CBN> Tony: "They made corn into syrup and then made that for sugar. You'll see. Oh, you'll see." Sinister.
<banana> "It used to taste perfectly normal, like when I was growing up. Then I came out of Faerie and everything was like, revolting for a week. Now it's fine again!"
<Crion> Nothing untoward will happen during your donut adventure, except perhaps a bit of a delay if you order a side of hashbrowns or something, because they're swamped this time of morning but have the donuts already baked. Lexington Market has a fun, easy swing of things, and they're becoming quick fixtures -- everyone just assumes they work there in some capacity, since they have access to the
<Crion> elevator, and there's lump crabcake and hot food for days. As well as straight-up bulk seafood sales.
<CBN> And that's how the group ends up with Tony carrying two boxes of original glazed, Melanie ends up with a box of mixed jellies and whatever else she points at, and Nels has her own bag of between 3 and 6 thousand calories of get-up-and-go.
<CBN> Tony: The consummate professional at ordering food with a quickness.
<Crion> When they get back, Steve is fully sober, hopefully? Well, he's strutting around investigating things at close range with the magnifying glass, instead of like, staring at a light from across the room with it. So that's progress.
<trenchfoot> What are these. They are sort of recognizable but - augh. Maybe she can feed them to Steve?
<CBN> Tony announces , "HEY EVERYONE WE'RE BACK hey Steve."
<dammitwho> "Heyo!"
<CBN> Tony: "Steve, can you point us in the general direction of---no Steve that's my knee there aren't clues in my knee---general direction of, where you last saw the Watermelon Boys?"
<Crion> honk
<Crion> He will begin to strut to their door out into the fake sewer exit into the Hedge.
<trenchfoot> Oh dear. She'll pass one of the doughnuts off to Steve in exchange.
<CBN> Tony: "Ok, everybody! Let's go save some Watermelon Boys! And hopefully not shoot or get shot at!" Tony's feeling pretty good. Sobering up a little on the trip helped.
<trenchfoot> Nels pats her revolver. Just in case.
<Crion> The Wherehouse heads out amongst the Pigs.
<Crion> They're not all, actually, 'pigs' per se of course. That is the most common manifestation: a humanoid with a piggy head in a cop's blues with a gun on his belt who grunts and oinks quite a bit. But there's great variety within the genus. For instance, there are the Pigs who look like hideous, meaty helicopters with rotors that don't spin and a great big eye where their spotlight should be,
<Crion> hovering too low over the Hedge because flying is something of a fraught concept on this side of the world. There are the Detector Inspectors, who look like the Spy vs. Spy guys from Mad Magazine but with badges, always walking around with their hands in their pockets and with angry eyes, fading into any wall they can if challenged. There are the patrol cars, whose headlights are eyes and
<Crion> grills are mouths.
<Crion> And there are the Regulators, the less said about, the better.
<banana> It's like the opening of bad movies in various genres. A fit blonde co-ed in a sweater approaches groups of lounging cop-monsters, smiling brightly from the sheer pleasure at meeting such upstanding officers of the law.
<CBN> Tony's getting good at navigating the local Hedge, and to his credit, Steve gives passable directions. So it is he led the motley and their precious cargo towards the officer-involvement of Pigs (that's the plural for them you see).
<banana> To several of the less dangerous groups Melanie proffers donuts on paper plates ('from the store down the road, we're so thankful you boys are keeping us safe'). For the actively threatening ones she'll let Tony take over, planting the boxes like landmines in their paths.
<trenchfoot> Hard pass. Gun out. Any of them see the group, that's a bullet between the eyes.
<CBN> And indeed he does, leaving them like the most obvious and appetizing roadside IEDs you ever did see. Box lids up, scents wafting out, and Tony retreats back to the group.
<CBN> After doing so, he gestures to the group to follow along---he's picked up what looks to be a trail, and he follows it, leading them along, to a cul-de-sac in the near Hedge. The watermelon-roll-rut-prints they follow are actually...super-obvious once you're looking for them. No wonder these guys get hassled so much.
<Crion> Steve spends much of his time examining the tracks with his magnifying glass, even after it's become clear they know what they're looking for. However, he doesn't slow the group down, and he doesn't honk. Steve is being very serious.
<banana> "No, thank you. For your service."
<Crion> The tracks lead down...a blind alley, into a cul-de-sac.
<trenchfoot> She is going to make Steve a Chattanooga Dew when this is over. And... that is definitely a trap.
<dammitwho> Hmm.
<VoxPVoxD> Oh, this is the path leading to the boss arena.
<Crion> For the first time in awhile, Steve honks and strides forward, convinced he's found something.
<CBN> Tony, hushed, to the group, "Eyes up, this is maybe a trap, pss Steve get back lil guy"
<Crion> Steve...is investigating.
<trenchfoot> Nels, whisper-shouting: "Steven!"
<Crion> The tracks are so clear!
<banana> Melanie: "If it- he- wants to go in first, let's not argue."
<banana> She takes a step back, actually - and rips off all the bark off one of her boughs. The exposed wood is jagged, hard-edged; papery white flakes drift in the air around it.
<Crion> The "buildings" loom large around them...and from down the cul-de-sac, past an oddly-balanced dumpster, you hear an angry honk.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart seems to blur at the edges, like he's smudged or vibrating.
<dammitwho> Maggie discreetly eats a spider from her pocket spider container.
<trenchfoot> Nels draws a gun.
<banana> The tearing bark continues all over Melanie's body, strips coming loose in a pattern like war-paint. The exposed spiked wood shines, reflecting unnatural hedgelight, and even her gumnuts take on a threatening cast. Perhaps you could choke on them.
<CBN> Tony quietly does a little 3-stone juggle with rocks no bigger than a fingernail, culminating in his hands taking on a distinctly granite cast. He also eats a little bit of dirt he had in a jeans pocket (he'll wash them later, promise) and his mien's soil simultaneously thickens and roils with angry-looking spines.
<dammitwho> Let's do this. For Steve!
<banana> For practice when it doesn't matter whether we fail!
<Crion> When the motley steps into the cul-de-sac, that dumpster sort of lazily rolls into place. ...It's, uh, not actually blocking you from leaving in any real way, though. The cul-de-sac is ringed with townhomes shoved together at odd angles, intersecting in ways that would make the buildings dangerously unstable and uninhabitable, were they real. And in the center of the asphalt, Steve is waving
<Crion> his wings, hat askew, magnifying glass cast aside, as the Watermelon Boys tug on the pant leg of a bigger, scarier Pig than you've seen before and point their little...watermelon hands...at you.
<Crion> Snitches!
<Crion> Betrayers!
<Crion> Roll initiative!
<dammitwho> What the FUCK
<trenchfoot> I hate this
<banana> Are Melanie's friends actually legitimately surprised by this. Guess she'd better stick around because they clearly need the help!
<CBN> Tony scowls, "Man c'mon!"
<VoxPVoxD> Fuck!
<Crion> The Big Pig steps forward and says a bunch of gobbledygook into his lapel mic. It sounds like he's requesting backup. It sounds like he's not getting the answer he wants to hear. Around him, three patrol Pigs pull their sidearms, and one hefts a big submachine gun. Stewart, who has played Counterstrike, recognizes the former as weird off-brand Glock pistols, and the latter as a bizarre
<Crion> UMP-45-alike.
<VoxPVoxD> "Those are real guns," Stewart warns.
<Crion> "11-99. 11-99. 11-99," they all are grunting.
<trenchfoot> Nels: "This is why I said not to fuck with the pigs," she moans.
<Crion> Steve ignores all of this and, screeching and honking, dives at the Watermelon Boys in a fury. They scream and run, but it won't save them.
<Crion> He's already ripped off one of their little tiny watermelon feet and is beating them with it.
<banana> Melanie: "Stay behind us Nels." She advances, as slowly as she does everything else, but with increasing elemental fury; razor-edged leaves are falling from her hair and roots are springing from every crack in the pavement, grasping and lashing.
<CBN> Tony bristles with jagged nails and sharp, craggy outcroppings from his loamy form. The SMG Pig doesn't blink. Tony charges and takes a beheading-the-passer level swing at him. The SMG Pig should blink, then.
<Crion> Hell, it squeals.
<CBN> Tony barks at the SMG Pig, "Down! We didn't come looking for a fight but we'll HAPPILY finish one."
<trenchfoot> Nels: "Okay." She steps back, and behind, and then uses Melanie's shoulder to steady her aim at the biggest pig. Blam!
<trenchfoot> "Did what you said. Sorry about the ears."
<banana> Melanie: "It's fine, they're just a Mask."
<trenchfoot> Still apologetic: "And the shoulder. It was rude to not ask."
<banana> Leaning on Melanie is like leaning on a piece of furniture, actually - she's totally solid, like something rooted to the ground. She flashes Nels a smile - this is fun. Should it be fun? Sorry, Stewart.
<Crion> One of the pigs with a pistol raises up, grunts, and shoots at Stewart with one hand while fumbling with what looks like a vestigial, fake body camera--
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's bouncing lightly on his feet, eyes jumping from pig to pig. One shoots at him. Direct hit! Stewart goes up in a shower of orange sparks! And then the hazy smoke clears, the pig Tony socked has a fresh hole in its skull. It hits the dirt.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's a few inches to the right of where he was, still hopping. "C'monnnn. C'MON!"
<CBN> Tony glances at the downed Pig and looks at the Sergeant. "Walk away!"
<Crion> Gerald's a good teacher. Stewart's a quick learner.
<Crion> The sergeant bleats, still yelling "10-96" into his lapel mic.
<dammitwho> "C'mere you little varmint!" You know what they say about wrestling a pig - it's fun, and everyone should do it. Maggie charges into battle, shoving one of the pistol-toting pigs in an effort to wrench away its gun.
<Crion> It fires once or twice, but the muzzle's forced up. So all it really does is oink.
<banana> Melanie comes up behind Maggie as she swings the pig around - and swings herself. She lashes with heavy boughs and razor leaves, inflicting cuts on both the held pig and its partner, before slamming into the target with a heavy snap.
<CBN> As Melanie rips through the Pigs, Tony repeats himself, louder, at the sergeant. "Walk away!"
<Crion> "HRRGH HRRRRRGH HRRRRRRGHHHH!!" Is the response now.
<trenchfoot> Not much of a response.
<trenchfoot> Lacks eloquence - oh fuck.
<Crion> The second Pig -- the one whose partner just got half-eviscerated by Melanie -- squeals and fires at her in a panic.
<Crion> The third Pig with a pistol fires wildly at Tony. It hits him...but it bounces off his kevlar and skips off into the Hedge.
<banana> The bullet embeds itself half an inch deep in her flank. Scorched wood cracks and creaks. "You could kill me by doing that enough," says Melanie; "I don't want to die. But I don't feel pain anymore."
<CBN> Tony rolls his shoulder. He felt that, a little bit. "Guh."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's trick doesn't work as well the second time. The bullet bruises a rib underneath the vest. He just got shot in the chest with a fucking Glock. Fuck. He's... not scared at all. He's totally calm, as if dispassionately watching himself get shot in a dream.
<Crion> The big Pig grins. Then he...starts heading for the trunk of the burned out cop car behind him...?
<Crion> Meanwhile, Steve has murdered one of the Watermelon Bros outright. He is shriek-honking as he stomps over its delicious-looking innards, swinging the magnifying glass like a mace at the second.
<CBN> Tony whirls around and takes another run at another pig, this time attempting to put a solid block out on Pig 3. Knock 'em down and keep moving, that's all you gotta do. No refs.
<dammitwho> Maggie makes a noise like she's about to hock a loogie, then spits a big wet *splat* of spiderwebbing onto the pig cop! Lifting it bodily off the ground, she spins it around and around in her arms, one finger hooked around a glob of the webbing that stretches and stretches and streeeetches but doesn't break, wrapping that pig up in a sticky blanket.
<dammitwho> It's out of the fight! And probably fairly dizzy.
<VoxPVoxD> Haha that's gross.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart is fucking WIRED.
<banana> This gives Melanie pause for a second.
<banana> She's not going to, like, throw stones about things being weird and gross. But grabbing these guys.. it's effective! They can't use their guns, which they're otherwise quite prone to do. She squares off against the next pig (lines off, really) and shoves forward, wrapping wooden limbs around it and raking it with razor sharp leaves.
<Crion> The last pig standing with a pistol panics, oinks, and begins to quail. The sergeant harrumphs and shakes his head and kicks open the trunk of the burned-out car -- and he pulls out what looks like a damn squad assault weapon. Stewart knows what those look like. He's played Call of Duty.
<Crion> The big Pig levels it at you, the other Pigs, Steve, anyone nearby, and braces to fire--
<Crion> Then there's the sound of a gunshot.
<Crion> And the sergeant's entire upper body explodes.
<dammitwho> Yow.
<VoxPVoxD> Pressing F on the world's smallest keyboard.
<CBN> Tony winces. You hate to see it
<Crion> A ten-foot-tall man who looks to be literally chiselled out of stone strides out from the Thorns like they were his home, and maybe they are. He's wearing a cowboy hat on his head; on his feet are spurs. He's tastefully unshaven and incredibly attractive. He's frowning. "What did I say about the next time we had to have this conversation, Sergeant?" he asks the corpse.
<Crion> He glances over at what Maggie's done with her Pig. "Hog-tied. Nice."
<Crion> "So."
<Crion> honk
<Crion> The big stone man smiles and tips his hat. "Steve."
<CBN> Tony briefly unclenches. "Oh shit! Hey this guy knows Steve everybody!" back to the group.
<banana> Melanie blinks, little panels of wood sliding down and up over her eyesockets. She'll quickly and embarassedly strangle her pig into unconsciousness, dropping it like a sack of garbage you were caught carrying in front of, well, a cool tall rock guy.
<Crion> On his chest, there's a big, shining Sheriff's star. "I'm the law around here."
<Crion> The Walking Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi3QmAmrG6M How can we win, when fools can be kings?
<dammitwho> Well now. Look at him. For the first time, Maggie wishes she were a bit more like Melanie.
<dammitwho> "Hi there."
<banana> What, 'unable to quickly react to new situations'?
<VoxPVoxD> This is one of Stewart's favorite songs.
<CBN> Tony nods. "Hello sir. We were just trying to help some of Steve's...friends?" Hard to call them that when Steve's caked in their entrails.
<Crion> honk
<Crion> He's finished off the last one.
<banana> ..the smell.. that's what watermelon was like. Pretty nice, actually.
<Crion> To Melanie: "Thank you for not killing him, though he earned it. Makes my job easier."
<banana> "Um, that's okay."
<VoxPVoxD> "Job?"
<Crion> The Walking Man: "Is it?"
<Crion> To Stewart: "I walk the hedgerows. I go here and there. I'm a judge and a jury. And the other thing."
<Crion> He laughs. "And you know, I just can't...abide...an imposter."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart decides to offer the hob a name. "My name's Stewart Reader."
<Crion> "Well met, Stewart Reader. I am the Walking Man."
<dammitwho> "Hiya, Walking Man. I'm Maggie Bakehead."
<banana> Melanie: "Melanie Lucas. You've.. helped us out. Is there something we can do for you before we leave?"
<Crion> He pulls out what looks like a tree-branch of a cigarette and lights it up. "You should stop telling me your names."
<Crion> "Have you never talked to cops before."
<CBN> Tony's about to, and catches himself, then laughs.
<banana> Melanie: "Thank you, but we've earned the right to them."
<CBN> To Steve, quiet enough to not cut anyone off: "Hey Steve, how're you doing over there, you doing alright?"
<Crion> The Walking Man: "Then you should keep them safe."
<Crion> "If I don't know your names, then I can't tell someone who files a lost property report that I've seen you. Because I don't know who you are."
<dammitwho> Maggie's not worried. 'Maggie' isn't her real name. It's not even her real fake name.
<banana> Melanie's getting angry, which is incredibly unwise. "There's no property here. Thanks again, but we'd better go."
<CBN> Tony nods.
<dammitwho> "Cheers."
<Crion> He nods. "That you should."
<CBN> Tony: "Steve, you coming with?"
<Crion> honk
<Crion> Steve has finished vandalizing the Watermelon Boys' corpses.
<Crion> Then he honks at the Walking Man.
<Crion> The Walking Man sighs.
<CBN> Tony's going to try to drink that memory away ASAP.
<Crion> "Steve wants me to give you a badge."
<Crion> The Walking Man pauses. "Steve is very selfish."
<Crion> "I don't come through here very often."
<Crion> "I take it you live here now." He waves his great cigarette. "Do not tell me where."
<banana> Melanie's gathering up some dropped leaves nervously, checking that nobody else got shot, and sort of ostentatiously trying to make ready to leave. There's far more danger than benefit to prolonging this.
<CBN> Tony catches himself start to laugh at the Steve-assessment, and bites it down. "If you aren't here often, Steve is probably right to think he'll see us more than see you. Even if I don't think we'll want to come to this neighborhood again."
<Crion> The Walking Man laughs again. "I wish you wouldn't. But that's not how this whole thing works, is it."
<banana> "Tony."
<CBN> Nod. "No lies there."
<Crion> He snaps his fingers and spreads his hand, and there's a deputy's badge in it. "The deal that Steve has impressed that I should impress upon you is this. You take this badge. I get to come to you and ask you to answer any single informational question. In a neutral space, we're not talking hollows here. You're my one-question CI. In return, if someone over whom the law of this Hedge has
<Crion> dominion bullies or threatens or attacks you -- you produce this badge. And you produce me."
<Crion> "One question. One badge."
<Crion> "A this for a that."
<Crion> His smile fades into a slightly-sad look. "I'll tell you straight. It will not work on your Keepers. Or any of them."
<Crion> "The law is the law."
<CBN> "If no one else is volunteering..." Tony looks around, then considers his words carefully. "I will hold onto a badge, under those conditions, and I will answer your question to the best of my ability."
<Crion> The big man nods soberly. "Signed, sealed, delivered. Deputy No-Name." He flips it to Tony like a coin.
<CBN> Tony catches it and just kinda...holds it where he'd pin it for a second, then settles on just holding it. "Sir."
<banana> What the fuck are you doing Tony.
<Crion> Then he looks around. "Now I've got to clean up this shit--Steve! Stop stepping in them."
<Crion> "Jesus Christ, Steve."
<Crion> honk
<CBN> Tony sighs at Steve. "C'mon buddy let's get you washed off, I think we've got a hose out back." To the Walking Man. "Hopefully not being seeing you soon, sir. Walk safe out there."
<Crion> "Y'all should get out of here. It was nice to meet you. I hope, outside of the terms of our agreement where I'm helping you, that we never see each other again."
<CBN> Tony. "Very same."
<Crion> He tips his hat to Tony, whose name he actually knows now.
<Crion> Thanks to Melanie.
<banana> Who looks furious. But she's not going to get in anyone's way.
<Crion> The walk back to the Wherehouse is easy and clean. Steve is strutting. The Pigs haven't fully retreated -- there's still an Inspector Detector here or there in the shadows -- but they're cowed. And eating what's left of their donuts.
<dammitwho> Once they're safely inside: "Hoo. Well, that was something."
<Crion> All in all, a good day's work.
<Crion> honk
<CBN> Tony's visibly a mix of "profoundly uncomfortable" and "kinda satisfied." "The donuts were a great idea."
<banana> "That thing is not a friend or an ally."
<CBN> T: "The other stuff." He hefts the badge. "Well, when it bites me in the ass, remember me fondly."
<Crion> Steve is going to go find something full of water to splash in for awhile. It might just be that toilet Maggie was vomiting in, unless something bigger is on offer.
<banana> "The big hot guy, I mean. Steve is.." reluctantly "friend..ly."
<dammitwho> She flushed after!
<CBN> He looks around. "Everyone okay though? I didn't catch if anyone took fire this time, I don't think anyone got gutshot badly again at least."
<CBN> He's got a discolored patch of earth on his upper arm that'll welt up in his Mask tomorrow, but nothing a good day off won't cure.
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Never even touched me."
<banana> Melanie's standing in the kitchen picking a bullet out of her upper body, but at least she'd got her sweater off by the time it happened.
<dammitwho> "Big lawman... Melanie's right that he's not on our side, but he seems honest enough and he owes us a favor, which I'm to understand is pretty important around here. That went well... but it could've gone worse. Those were real guns... we might need someone like him to hide behind, someday."
<dammitwho> "Aw, geez! Melanie, you okay?!"
<banana> Melanie: "Ah, yeah. There's um.. I get a pain-replacement sensation, but it's just awareness. Probably doesn't have the right deterrent effect."
<banana> "But it's not like I actually miss pain, you know?" She supposes there's the option of psychological anguish.
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Nobody else? Stewart? Nels?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I got shot right in the vest. I think I'm okay."
<banana> "Oh shit, I thought you were dodging them. We should've followed Maggie's example earlier, sorry.."
<VoxPVoxD> "I dodged most of them."
<banana> "Getting up on them and taking the guns away was definitely the right thing to do!"
<dammitwho> She taps her temple. "That's what I figured."
<banana> Melanie: "It was a good day's work though. We've learned more about how to work together and we know how dangerous they are now."
<VoxPVoxD> Man. Should he tell Lauren he got shot?
<banana> "Which is to say.. dangerous enough that we should keep avoiding trouble, but not as dangerous as us. Husserl's temporality trumps satiation."
<dammitwho> "What's that, now?"
<banana> Melanie comes back over to the sofa holding a dripping bullet. It's just water - she washed off the sap. "Satiation is what Heidegger would call the greatest danger of our age of needlessness - the pigs represent the concept of power maintaining itself, a status quo of sheer greed."
<banana> "Real cops are all about keeping the powerful powerful, but these things are parodies, existing as power-maintenance without any power to maintain. Dystopia masquerading as utopia, which incidentally is what Heidegger thought of America."
<banana> "The way you beat self-satisfied satiety is, of course, to need something. Temporality is the matching of point-in-time need to satisfaction. It's the quality of- the qualia of being in the wrong place at the right time."
<Crion> Lauren is indeed up at this hour. But Stewart still has a goose honking in his toilet.
<VoxPVoxD> What does the goose want? Is he sick?
<Crion> It might be the perfect hour to invite her over, actually -- they could get food from the Market...Steve might go away...
<Crion> The goose is very angry at himself.
<dammitwho> Maggie hrms like a clanking boiler. A metal Ent talking to a real one.
<dammitwho> "I'm a bit worried about you all telling him your names, though... The lawman was right, we should have some of that there 'operational security'."
<banana> Melanie: "If this makes no sense, feel free to say so! It's up to a philosopher to convey what the hell she means in terms that, by successful articulation, are an actual coherent thought."
<banana> "Most of us use fake names, right? I'm not gonna google people, but apart from Nels..."
<banana> And apart from herself, which she's skipping over.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart will sit on the edge of the - is there a tub? If not he'll sit on whatever's handy. "Steve, man. We're all okay. No one's mad at you."
<Crion> honk honk!!!!
<dammitwho> "Is Melanie a whatsit, pseudonym? I mean, good if it is..."
<Crion> Steve is, of course, mad at himself. Less because he put you in danger -- he seems only like, contingently aware that he did so -- but more because he asked you to do something for him, and it turned out to be stupid and shitty and frankly, something he could have done by himself without making your put in the effort.
<Crion> Which is...arguable.
<banana> Melanie: "No."
<banana> Melanie: "Maybe."
<banana> "If it is, it's not intentional."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I think, even though we got tricked, what we did was still important. We're supposed to- this is our part of the Hedge, right? We're supposed to keep it... orderly. That means making sure it's safe for benign hobs and keeping the shitty hobs under control."
<Crion> Steve waves his wings, splashes, and honks. Stewart's correct, but that doesn't make Steve feel better.
<banana> Please don't splash the toilet water.
<Crion> honk
<banana> "Stewart, is he splashing the toilet water?"
<VoxPVoxD> "I'm trying to get him to come dry off. There's some beers in the fridge..."
<Crion> honk
<Crion> Now...beers.
<Crion> That WOULD make him feel better.
<Crion> As if nothing had happened at all, the hob hops out of the toilet and trundles towards the fridge.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart immediately understands. "Yeah. Yeah come have a drink and forget about it."
<dammitwho> Hum hmmm whoosh crackle "That's what I'm worried about. 'Maggie' isn't my real name, Samaritan gave me that when I first come out the Hedge. It's not even my real fake name. I'll be alright. You and Stewart though, and I guess Tony... eh. Nothing for it but to see what comes when it comes."
<dammitwho> She makes a few more mechanical thinking noises. "That business you were talking about before, about temporality. Is what you're saying that we won because we wanted it more? Sounds a bit like Tony, there." She sounds pleased by that.
<banana> Melanie: "I'm not giving up my name. Like, I get it, there's power, the Wyrd is a notary public. But seven billion people live that way, you know?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart, at the fridge door: "My real name's different."
<banana> "It's your choice."
<Crion> Steve nods severely at Stewart's revelation.
<Crion> honk
<Crion> 'So is mine'
<VoxPVoxD> "Cheers."
<banana> "I had to hold onto something, though. Like."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Well, good on you then, Melanie. You know we'll back you up if it comes to that."
<banana> Melanie looks at Maggie and Stewart. She doesn't trust Steve but whatever. "I haven't told you how old I am, really."
<Crion> Steve marches up to Maggie with...a beer.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart texts Lauren. He's listening to Melanie out of one ear. <you wanna hang out>
<banana> "I'm like.. really really old, haha. I don't see the rest of you as kids because I didn't experience it socially? There was no outliving my friends and family because it was barely living. I just.. forgot. I forgot almost everything, because who I was wasn't anyone worth remembering. But I remembered my name."
<Crion> Lauren: <ye>
<Crion> <s>
<Crion> It's about 45 seconds later. Who knows when it was actually sent.
<Crion> Stewart did just text through the Hedge.
<banana> "And then after, I lost track but it had to be at least hundreds of years, I came back and people don't think it was my name. My replacement is literally called Belanie. So either it's my actual self that I get to keep, or something I *thought* was me and held onto, and either way.. I'm not going to go around calling myself Paperbark. Or Jane Smith."
<dammitwho> "Aw, you're a sweetie, Steve." She will take that beer........ and drink it!
<Crion> When Maggie grabs the bottle's barrel, Steve switches his grip to the bottlecap, twists, and pops it off. Then he trundles back to the fridge.
<VoxPVoxD> Oh no! Stewart can't step outside the elevator, though, Melanie is saying something poignant. <in the wherehouse atm. we could hang around here, get food from lex market>
<Crion> Lauren: <k when nerd>
<banana> Wow, this was not meant to be poignant. Probably time to retreat to the library.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: <like an hr? hobgoblin flooded our toilet. gotta clean it up>
<Crion> Lauren: <lmao owned. k>
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Sure, I get that." She makes a lip-popping noise. "Huh. Maybe our times in were pretty similar, though I guess we reacted differently. I don't think I was in as long as you, though. Subjectively. Time gets weird and, uh, it was kind of hard to tell."
<Crion> Steve returns...with another beer. This one's for Stewart.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's smile is maybe inappropriate to what Melanie's been saying. He'll take the beer, though with some hesitation, and grab a mop.
<Crion> Steve does the same thing, popping the cap, and retreats once more to the fridge.
<banana> "Time does. I also didn't have a lot of senses, like.. those deprivation chambers they use for tests?"
<Crion> He returns...with a third beer. And he stands in the doorway, near the frame, staring at Melanie.
<banana> To Steve: "No."
<Crion> Without breaking eye contact, Steve...steps wide to the side. Behind the door frame. You can still see the bottom of the beer hanging from his beak but, technically, he's...hidden?
<banana> "Better." If the hobgoblin doesn't bother her, Melanie won't throw things at it.
<banana> Is it ok to ask Maggie this question...
<banana> "Is it okay to ask this? If it's not okay just do or say whatever, okay?"
<Crion> Two minutes later, Steve walks back through the door, sticking to the wall, sort of trying to approach Melanie from the side.
<dammitwho> Maggie shrugs. "Never heard of deprivation chambers, but you can ask me whatever you feel like."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart comes back with and stows the mop. "I invited Lauren to come over in a little while, but we can hang out in the market if you guys don't want company."
<banana> Melanie: "Okay. They didn't take my memories, it was my fault - I didn't have enough to think about, I just couldn't hold on to it all. Like, the reason I look like this is nothing any faerie did, I just fell over the Hedge and I could feel it rewriting me from my own memories but there weren't enough. I didn't - don't - remember what skin was like. So. Is that what happened to
<banana> you, or did your past go.. somewhere else?"
<banana> Aah! Stewart's quiet.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart tenses. Did he just walk in on something heavy...?
<dammitwho> Buuuraruuuum. "Good question. Tell the truth, I'm not sure - not whether it was stolen or I just forgot or... or what. That part's gone too. I-- maybe this would be easier if I told the story start to finish? It's not so painful, not a raw wound. More like an amputee."
<dammitwho> She'll head to one of the comfy TV chairs and sit down, waiting for Melanie or Stewart to signal if they'd prefer not to deal with this just now.
<banana> Melanie: "If you want to, please tell us. Let me just-" Stewart's arrival drew her attention to that damn goose sneaking up. She throws a bullet at it.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart doesn't signal any such thing. He does open a second beer.
<Crion> Steve blocks the bullet with the bottle...and scurries back to the door.
<dammitwho> "C'mon now." She says gently. "Go easy on the poor lil' guy. Steve, you can listen if you Promise not to blab." There's a clear emphasis on 'promise'.
<banana> While everyone's rearranging: "Of course it's fine if Lauren comes over. I haven't really met her, because work? But I could easily be doing more work if you want privacy."
<banana> While everyone's rearranging: "Of course it's fine if Lauren comes over. I haven't really met her, because work? But I could easily be doing more work if you want privacy."
<VoxPVoxD> Too quickly: "Why would we want privacy?"
<banana> Comfy chairs aren't, for Melanie, but she's perfectly relaxed standing *by* them.
<banana> "If."
<Crion> Steve...vanishes for a little bit.
<Crion> Then, coming the other way into the room, is a form cloaked in...a small towel? It's about the same color as the carpet. Or the floor, if there's not carpeting yet. Just out from underneath the fabric, the bottom of a beer bottle pokes. The little lump moves closer. Closer. Hides behind the comfy chair. Waits...
<Crion> Waits...
<Crion> Then when Melanie leans down for some reason or another, Steve throws off the ghille suit and proudly stretches upright with an open beer, right near her hand.
<Crion> Maggie will get an affirmative honk, which can seal if she likes.
<dammitwho> She will do that, settle back in her seat, and clear her throat.
<dammitwho> "I don't know what kind of people tell stories about the Long Black Train anymore. Maybe street kids do. Anyhow, as long as there've been rails to ride there've been ragged men and women telling each other about the engine that comes to carry a soul to its final account."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "And, like all stories humans tell each other, one of the Good Cousins heard it and decided to plagiarize."
<VoxPVoxD> Good Cousins. That's a new one.
<banana> Just the total opposite of the truth. That's how you do euphemisms!
<Crion> Sneaky Steve...
<dammitwho> "So! The Promised Land line, express to Arcadia, picking up unwary drifters and hoboes along the way. Managed by the Conductor, on whose qualities I have no desire to reminisce."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Now, I was not one of them. At least, I don't think I was. He picked me up for a different purpose. Iron, right? The guts of a train, a real train, are made from it. Obviously he couldn't work with that. But a train still needs a furnace, a firebox."
<dammitwho> "Hence, yours truly."
<dammitwho> "I couldn't tell you how many trips we made, nor how many poor souls got traded away to their durance at the End of the Line. I remember that to the hobs who were porters and stokers and engineers on the Promised Land, I had a name. They called me-" Here she makes a noise difficult for a human to reproduce, a sound of slowly cooling metal: Kek'Tungsssha.
<Crion> Sneaking...
<dammitwho> "Anyhow, the rambling-men in the carriages behind me would tell each other stories of their travels, and the Conductor would snatch up each one and bite down, draining them dry as the juice ran down his chin, 'til there was nothing left but the crackling husk that he would toss in my mouth to stoke my fires."
<dammitwho> "Until one morning - heh! - one morning an older fella was telling of the best breakfast he'd ever had. Eggs, bacon, sausage, hashbrowns, strong black coffee."
<banana> Sounds tasty- wait. How did this thing get here!
<dammitwho> "Just like that... I felt hungry for more than dried-up ol' tall tales. And once I remembered hungry, I remembered mouth and throat and arms and legs and hands and fingers and a voice, and the will to move on my own!"
<banana> Melanie will take the bottle, and she will put it on the arm of the chair beside her.
<Crion> Steve doesn't honk, but he doesn't hide as he purposefully strides from the room.
<Crion> Stewart's phone buzzes. It's Lauren: <im in the market. gettin crabs>
<dammitwho> Maggie: "How I got out... all those stories he fed me had burned down to ash, and at the bottom of the embers was a secret. There's a real Long Black Train, and while the Promised Land only goes one direction, there's no place the other one doesn't reach."
<dammitwho> "So when the Conductor turned his head just right, I jumped from the side of the Promised Land Line, and grabbed onto the Long Black Train which was headed the other way!"
<dammitwho> She sighs. "Of course, I was clinging to the side, and the iron burned my hands and the Thorns cut my back up something fierce."
<dammitwho> "So soon enough I fell off, back in the real world. I wandered about not knowing up from down for a little while until, thank goodness, Samaritan found me."
<dammitwho> She drinks contemplatively. "That's it, I guess."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "That's Lauren. I'll see you guys later maybe. Hey, uh. Thank you for telling us your story."
<dammitwho> "Cheers. You two aren't gonna hang around?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "We're probably gonna get food, but we might come back? I dunno."
<VoxPVoxD> He'll head out to meet Lauren at the Market, feeling a little drifty on his feet because of the two beers.
<Crion> Somewhere from deeper in the Wherehouse comes a honk. Steve isn't declaring victory, prescisely, but he is sitting in Tony's favorite chair.
<Crion> When Stewart gets out of the elevator, he can see Lauren just down the way in jeans, a blouse and a cute jacket, ordering two big crabcake sandwiches.
<VoxPVoxD> Ohh hell yes. "Hey! Hi."
<Crion> "Yo." These things are basically a big kaiser roll, toasted, then you take a crab cake, cook it up, put it on the bottom bun, Old Bay, raw onion, a bit more Old Bay, and horseradish if that's what you're into. Lauren's into the horseradish.
<VoxPVoxD> Two beers deep, Stewart is also into the horseradish. "I like that jacket."
<Crion> She grins and tosses him a foil-wrapped sandwich. "Nice jeans."
<Crion> Airily: "It's on the firm's card."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart snatches it from the air deftly. "What've you been up to?"
<VoxPVoxD> "Nice."
<Crion> She rolls her eyes. "Santander is getting really interested in werewolves. So I'm researching...werewolves. I'm hoping it's just a phase."
<Crion> Where are they headed?
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart'll lead her back to the Wherehouse, the crowd in the Market is a little much for him right now. "Melanie ducked out but I think Maggie's still around."
<Crion> "The Minnesotan mom, right?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I dunno where she's from exactly, but yeah, that's her."
<Crion> "She's cool."
<Crion> "I mean."
<Crion> "Not cool."
<Crion> "But none of us are cool."
<dammitwho> Mags will hit 'pause' on Poirot when they come back in. "Oh, heya there Lauren! I think we've still got some beers left if you want one."
<Crion> While Stewart does the elevator thing, she just looks smug.
<Crion> "Hey! I could--"
<Crion> A beady-eyed head extends itself around the moulding of the doorframe, and in its beak, it clutches a brew.
<Crion> honk
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "That's Tony's friend. We call him Steve. Say hi to Lauren, Steve."
<Crion> Lauren blinks twice, but says, "Hey."
<Crion> Steve waddles forward, delivers the beer, and pops the cap. Then he waddles away, and just as he's leaving the room, honks again: 'Beers is hello'
<VoxPVoxD> "In time we may come to regret giving him fridge privileges."
<Crion> Lauren: "Maybe. Or maybe Steve owns."
<Crion> She takes deep sip and will drop down onto a couch, very pointedly leaving just enough room for Stewart.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart will sit without visible hesitation.
<dammitwho> "Stewart tells me you got into a kerfuffle with some wizards!"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart definitely told Lauren what happened with Singular and Permit and Fireman as soon as he got home.
<Crion> Lauren: "Well, I wasn't there for that."
<Crion> "But yeah, Fireman had to do his thing I guess."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "What do wizards do when they're at home? Wiz?"
<Crion> "Depends on what kinda wizard they are, I guess."
<Crion> "Union's the biggest weed dealer in the city."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I met him. He was with... I think her name was Everafter?"
<Crion> "Blonde? Uptight? Accent's hard to place?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart doesn't know about uptight, but: "Yeah, that was it. They were talking to Canterbury outside my apartment building."
<Crion> "Yeah, that's Everafter."
<Crion> "Dunno what she does when she's home. Gives speeches about how us Hedge wizards need to be more careful, probably."
<Crion> She swigs the beer. "You know, into the mirror."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "...does she actually call us that?"
<Crion> Lauren shrugs. "Not like she's precisely wrong."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah I guess. We just got back from getting ambushed by a squad of Pigs. The Walking Man busted it up."
<Crion> She almost spits her beer up. "The fucking what the what happened?"
<Crion> honk
<Crion> From the other room.
<Crion> He only promised not to listen to Maggie's story, after all.
<Crion> Now he's settled in and is watching some of Tony's TV stuff.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "We were trying to clear them out of our neighborhood a bit. We got a bad tip from some snitch watermelons. They start shooting at us. Tony, Maggie, and Melanie get in close and disarm them. Maggie like, full on spidermans one. I think Melanie got winged. I got shot but in the vest."
<Crion> Lauren: "YOU GOT SHOT?!"
<VoxPVoxD> "Then the Walking Man just gibs the sergeant out of nowhere, deputizes Tony, and-- yeah?"
<Crion> "You are NOT allowed to get shot!!"
<Crion> Slightly flustered: "That's not what we do. That's like. Gerald's job."
<Crion> "He's very good at it!"
<VoxPVoxD> It's dawning on Stewart that he's not on quite the right emotional wavelength here. Too many drinks or too few. "Yeah! He showed me, the thing. One of the common Shields. I dodged all but one of the bullets."
<Crion> Lauren kills the rest of her beer. "One bullet is still too many!!! But, also, that's cool."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Sweetie, don't worry. He's fine."
<Crion> "STEVE! ANOTHER BEER!"
<Crion> honk
<Crion> He waddles out with it and this time hucks it across the room. Lauren catches it out of the air then pops the cap off, and Steve wanders back to his stories.
<Crion> "...So the Walking Man. Was he cool?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah! He was like a Paul Bunyan sized version of... did you ever see Deadwood?"
<dammitwho> "He was quite a fella." Maggie chuckles to herself.
<Crion> Lauren: "Yup."
<VoxPVoxD> "Like the main guy in that. The sheriff guy. Not EXACTLY obviously but the same energy."
<Crion> From the other room, it sounds like Steve is watching 1-3 minute sitcom clips that always end in the same song, all in a row. The song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag1o3koTLWM
<Crion> Lauren: "Ah, Timmy Elephant."
<dammitwho> "Whom?"
<dammitwho> Maggie could feel like a third wheel and retire to let the kids engage in some heavy petting, but she's been drinking and they could've gone to Stewart's actual apartment if they wanted to do that.
<Crion> Lauren: "His name's something like that. The actor. I guess if The Walking Man really is that tall then the name fits him better."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Maggie was telling me before we went out that she'd gotten to wondering, you know, if there's magic, what else is real. We know there's vampires and wizards."
<dammitwho> "Yeah, and learning that just brings up more questions!" She takes a swig. "What makes a wizard a wizard? Is it just a normal person reading the right books? Do Autumn folk count as the same sort of thing? Do they make Contracts and such?" She winces. "Ah, sorry. Peppering you like that's bad manners, with you a guest and all."
<Crion> Lauren grimaces. "The wizards don't like to talk about themselves, and talking about the wizards out of turn can be...a problem. All I know is their magic comes from somewhere else and you can't learn it like a degree."
<Crion> "Werewolves are real as shit, though. Vampires too."
<Crion> She sips her beer and takes a big bite of her sandwich.
<Crion> Damn, that's good.
<VoxPVoxD> These are real good sandwiches. Stewart feels self-conscious about eating in front of MAggie but he's so hungry...
<Crion> Lauren: "What do you think the most elite special forces branch of the United States military is?"
<Crion> She says this after finishing a bite of sandwich.
<dammitwho> Her stomach's still a bit unsettled from the abhorse earlier. You eat up, Stewart. Growing boys need crab, because crab's very nutritious. Crab is the most nutritious of the sea creatures.
<dammitwho> "Weren't there fellas in double-you double-you two roaming around Europe blowing up castles and such? Bet those guys are pretty good."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "The SEALs? I dunno."
<Crion> To Maggie: "That was the OSS. Or some video game dudes. I dunno." To Stewart: "The SEALs are a good guess. For better reasons than all the Osama stuff."
<Crion> "But no."
<Crion> "It's the United States Forest Service."
<Crion> "Not the Army Rangers."
<Crion> "The Park Rangers."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Ah! Werewolves."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's taken aback. But what Maggie says makes it make sense.
<Crion> "Yup."
<dammitwho> "There. There wolves." She chuckles to herself.
<Crion> "That's half of what I've learned about werewolves. The other half is that a lot of them are just like, straight-up Nazis?"
<Crion> She shakes her head and takes another bite.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "You know that was the worst thing, about coming back."
<VoxPVoxD> "It seems like there are WAY more Nazis now."
<dammitwho> "Hrmph! I don't much care for that, no thank you."
<Crion> She finishes another bite. "They're also basically impossible to kill. Because, werewolves. So. It's not a good time all around."
<VoxPVoxD> "Invincible Nazis."
<Crion> "The good news is we've never like, actually run into them."
<banana> On the other side of the common area, a door opens; Melanie steps out clutching a sheaf of printed papers, but: "Invincible nazis?!"
<Crion> Lauren starts.
<banana> "Um, sorry, it's just without context that sounds... bad?"
<dammitwho> Maggie raises her bottle: "Hey, Melanie. You've met Lauren? Lauren Ipsum, Melanie. Melanie, Lauren."
<Crion> Lauren: "Would it sound better if I gave you the context that they're werewolves?"
<Crion> "And hi. Your hair owns."
<banana> Maggie's here, so it probably isn't that kind of private. Lauren seems fine. She looks cool, like robo-cool, and compliments are always nice. Ah fuck, got to say something.
<banana> Belatedly: "Hello. You got us the cable setup, right? That's been really great."
<banana> "I just need to trash these.." She's shuffling to the kitchen and waste disposal with a ream of paper.
<Crion> Lauren: "I helped. Stewart helped more."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "For instance, I helpfully stole the idea from Lauren."
<banana> "He's good, isn't he? We'd be running on last-century tech here otherwise, might be good for Nels but she wouldn't get to learn." Talking up Stewart seems like the thing to do, and also it's true.
<VoxPVoxD> Ugh.
<Crion> Lauren's eyes flash red a little bit, in the way they do when she's blushing.
<banana> There's a noise of scrunching, tearing papers. It really isn't a good idea to use the disposal like this, but they deserve it. "...why are werewolves nazis? Don't tell me it's like, the alt-moonlight."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Weren't the Nazis really into werewolves? Like, as a concept? Maybe it works the other way."
<Crion> Lauren: "The Nazis were into everything except anything that sounded like kindness."
<Crion> "You dig deep enough, not even we're untouched by that shadow."
<Crion> "But the wizards, werewolves, and vampires. Shit."
<Crion> "You spend three months digging on any of them and eventually something is going to lead you back to 1940s Germany."
<banana> Melanie: "I've noticed that people who are wrong in that way tend to be wrong about everything. Someone starts arguing online about Austrian economics, it always turns out that they're into lowering the age of consent, they play board games wrong and they think Australia has a border with Chile."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "I expect that's true of most regular things, if you think about it."
<Crion> Lauren shrugs. "They might not be wrong on that last part. Given certain parameters."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Is Austrian economics a Nazi thing?"
<banana> Wizards, werewolves and vampires: all real apparently. It's kind of.. too hard to fit this into a worldview right now; Melanie will think about it later.
<banana> "In effect, yes. It's eugenics for class."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart... almost understands what that means.
<banana> Ah, that really kidnapped the conversation and dragged it to Arcadia. Probably better finish this up quickly and leave them alone.
<dammitwho> Politely: "What does that mean?"
<Crion> Lauren, pointedly, to Stewart: "Hey. Let's go hang out in your room."
<dammitwho> Oh my.
<VoxPVoxD> A bluh "Yeah, sure. It's this way."
<banana> Maggie is always curious, what a good trait. "Oh, I just mean that it's like, this attempt to strangle the weak and boost the strong. Like the idea is that a company - or a person! - deserves to go bankrupt if they weren't competing in the market, real fundamentalist stuff."
<Crion> Pleasantly, to both of them: "It was nice meeting you, Melanie, and seeing you again, Maggie."
<banana> "It was! See you guys later!"
<dammitwho> "Cheers, you two!"
<Crion> From the other room:
<Crion> honk
<banana> Melanie: "The most prominent Austrian economist wrote a book advocating that America should - it's not an Austrian thing, they're mostly from Chicago. Anyway he thinks we should make it legal to buy and sell children."
<banana> The last of the offending papers has been macerated. Melanie runs the tap for a while, might as well until they get some music on in the other room.
<dammitwho> Maggie makes a derisive Bronx cheer at that.
<banana> "Right?"
<banana> "There's a lot of drawn-out argumentation about why it's morally and ethically efficient. But then all you've proved is that you can argue for something."
<banana> "...which is kind of the problem with this crap." Melanie gestures at the sink.
<dammitwho> "Down the drain with it, then!"
<banana> "It's not my first dead draft and it won't be my last." Melanie drifts back to her rooms without giving further thought to the bad arguments she's murdered, but she stops just inside the door and tilts, looking out at Maggie for a moment - someone with a neck that bends might poke their head around the corner, but Melanie leans, a whole-body thing.
<banana> "Thank you for the story! Let's make that breakfast some time."
<dammitwho> "Sounds good."
<Crion> As everyone drifts off into comity -- or whatever's going on in Stewart's room -- the only sound across the main hall is the goose watching television.
<Crion> --Fin.
<Crion>
<Crion>
<Crion>
<Crion>
<Crion>
<Crion>
<Crion>
<Crion>
<Crion> The third week of October, technically, but this year October will stretch lazily over five full weeks. The month isn't half-done yet, but it's close. The Wherehouse are cop-killers, but they've befriended a police. The Hedge is strange like that. Also he's probably not really their friend, per se, as everything's very transactional, but he doesn't seem to like your enemies all that much.
<Crion> Anyway! How thoroughly did Stewart update the Walking Man's wiki page? There was a stub, with a little bit about him being a Hedge manifestation of significant potency and a 'needs further research.'
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart didn't hold anything back, since it wouldn't occur to him to and he wasn't told to. The Walking Man is a powerful hobgoblin in the form of a giant 19th century lawman, who professes to enforce 'the laws of the Hedge' and seems to be largely benign or even benevolent if you don't violate them, whatever they are. He has the power to 'deputize' people by bestowing on them Tokens that
<VoxPVoxD> will bring him calling in an emergency. The Walking Man makes a specific proviso that he will not go against the Keepers.
<Crion> Five minutes after updating, he will get an IM from QUOTH|THE|BITTER|WIND: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
<Crion> The account will then log off.
<VoxPVoxD> Nice.
<Crion> How's Stewart's Monday night going?
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's... feeling pretty good! He doesn't stream Monday nights, but this afternoon he's recording a podcast to talk about leaked patch notes and listen to the hum from the Fortnite black hole. That leaves basically his whole evening and beyond free. He's thinking about Lauren, vampires, and fluctuations in the price of Exalted Orbs.
<Crion> The Autumn Court would be very interested in that last one until they realized whence it came. Lauren's off-line tonight, for whatever reason -- she does that sometimes. Well, not off-line, but Do Not Disturb. And the DND are rare enough that they seem like they might be worth respecting.
<VoxPVoxD> He keeps getting distracted, forgetting about it, but remembering just in time not to send anything. He's not sure if that sends Lauren a Typing... notification. If she's not around, and he's not busy... hmm. It's early enough to pop down to the Wherehouse. He has an idea. It's a shame Maggie's not online constantly, so he has to visit her in person.
<Crion> Chilly night in Baltimore! Well. Relatively so. It's 66 degrees out, but that's down from the 85 earlier this week.
<Crion> So actually kind of perfect weather. You don't get that smoky fall smell this far into the city, though. Not yet at least.
<VoxPVoxD> The smell of smoke reminds him of Maggie too. No train to Guysborough, and ain't that a shame... It's a nice enough night that he considers walking, but that consigns Maggie to walking if she takes him up on his idea. So he takes the car down to the Inner Harbor before he enters the elevator at Lexington Market.
<Crion> It's a quiet night in the Wherehouse. Steve parades by, wearing a newspaper hat and riding a rabbit the size of a dog. He nods to Stewart as he heads out towards the Hedge.
<Crion> honk
<VoxPVoxD> Cool. Cool. Alright. Cool. Is Maggie up?
<dammitwho> She is! The Great British Bake-off has managed to trickle its way into the Wherehouse's media server, and, well. "Heya, Stewart! How's things?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart sits in one of the armchairs. "Hey! Things are good. I've got the night off from work so I'm doing some stuff for the Court. Remember that wiki I told you about? I'm supposed to populate it with information on vampires, so I was thinking of doing some research, maybe exploring the city a bit. You wanna come?"
<dammitwho> "Vampires, eh?" Hmm. She doesn't hold much with vampires, on account of they kill people and drain their blood for sustenance. But the alternative is letting Stewart go on his own, and that's just not on, as the Brits apparently say. "Sure thing, just lemme get my coat on. It's getting chilly out there. Autumn at last."
<VoxPVoxD> "Yeah!" He's not sure how often Maggie gets out and about on the mortal side of the Hedge nowadays, but this feels nice. It's like when you surprise visit your grandma.
<Crion> Wow.
<VoxPVoxD> In a good way!!
<dammitwho> He meant mom.
<Crion> There are a couple different avenues through which Stewart could begin his inquiry, from the obvious but cowardly (pester Santander) to the obvious but stupid (walk down as many blind alleys as it takes). Surely he has better ideas?
<dammitwho> "So what's the plan?" She hollers from the coat rack. "Some sort of whistle that only vampires can hear? A box with a blood pack under it?"
<VoxPVoxD> Pestering Santander is out. Santander gave him the job! The point is to demonstrate his own ability to do research. "Well, going at vampires can be kind of dangerous, because of institutional problems and the threat of spontaneous violence. I was thinking we could bother some cops instead."
<dammitwho> Maggie looks at him in the manner of a displeased Daffy Duck.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "No, it's okay! These cops are already dead. I watched them die. Like for real."
<VoxPVoxD> "Helped hide the bodies. Are you ready to go?"
<dammitwho> "Oh, good gravy. Yes, I'm ready."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Great. I was thinking we'd start by cross-referencing public records to try and put patterns together, see if we can get an idea of which other local cops might be under the influence of vampire blood."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Hoorm. Huurarum. Wouldn't the Smitten-and-Smote brothers be keeping an eye on the police and such?"
<dammitwho> "Bet the two of us could ask Smitten, since he and I're in the same Court. Plus he seems more, uh, approachable than the other one."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Oh, good idea. Do you think he'd be at the Sidereal?"
<Crion> Maggie knows it's either there or the North Avenue Community Center. And this time of night, probably the Sidereal.
<dammitwho> "Probably, this time of night."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Cool. I'll drive."
<VoxPVoxD> And then he does.
<Crion> The Sidereal is doing tidy business tonight -- students, mostly, since it's a Monday -- and there's free parking for them in the back; seems like policy to keep the spots they usually reserve for touring bands free for any changelings who pop in on nights when there isn't live music.
<dammitwho> What's his car like?
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart drives a 2015 Hyundai Sonata that he got off want ads with only a few thousand miles on it. Being able to pay cash was a big selling point. https://i.imgur.com/xXPmhae.jpg
<Crion> ...Red?
<VoxPVoxD> Orange.
<VoxPVoxD> It's his favorite color.
<VoxPVoxD> ...shut up.
<Crion> So it only goes slightly faster.
<VoxPVoxD> It's a city car, after all.
<dammitwho> What's it got inside? GPS? Seat warmers? Touchscreen?
<VoxPVoxD> No to seat-warmers, yes to the others. His phone's plugged into the dash and seems to be overriding the radio somehow.
<dammitwho> Delightful! Probably hard to repair, though.
<dammitwho> What's he playing?
<VoxPVoxD> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnf7Weh7pRU&list=PLqoVwH1yoXtUaAPpwMN3eX6ralHeb0TEv
<Crion> Mmmm.
<dammitwho> Making idle conversation: "I wonder if I can play the harmonica."
<dammitwho> Making idle conversation: "I wonder if I can play the harmonica."
<VoxPVoxD> He hopes whatever Lauren's doing is low-stress. "You ever tried?"
<dammitwho> "Nope. Didn't know I could play the guitar either until Harlan gave me Topper. Funny old world."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "It's weird how that happens. I quoted Kant at Melanie the other day. I've never read Kant."
<VoxPVoxD> Was there a movie maybe...?
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Something worth noodling on. Maybe the Lord Mustard of the Unknown Wizards knows something about it? Anyway. Tonight is a night for vampires!" She says that last in a Bela Lugosi accent.
<Crion> When they get to the front, the door's being worked by a guy looking hard in the Mask, but his entire Mien is like...a cute goat. Melanie probably knows this guy! You've probably seen him around before in passing...?
<Crion> Capra: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WKN0XF8-3Q Elohim, Adonai, can you hear your people cry?
<Crion> He narrows his eyes at Stewart as the chorus kicks in. "Hey."
<dammitwho> Haha, neat!
<dammitwho> Haha, neat!
<dammitwho> "Evening!" She says, cheerfully.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart looks slightly embarrassed. This is where Maggie helpfully jumps in and staves off awkwardness. "Hey."
<Crion> "You here for--"
<Crion> A loud twenty year old has lost his patience slightly to the goat guy's left. "Hey! They can't just cut in--"
<Crion> Capra: "They can do whatever the fuck I say they can do."
<Crion> He looks back at you two. "Here on business?"
<Crion> He's got a summer Mantle that's fiercer than it looks like it should be.
<dammitwho> Maggie nods. "Looking for Smitten."
<Crion> Capra nods. "Check the upstairs lounge." Then he waves you through. The 20 year old looks like he's going to say something, but Capra immediately moves to him and says, "ID?"
<Crion> Inside, there's a DJ spinning something...he's a changeling...and a mortal bouncer standing by the stairs. He gets the signal from Capra, though, waves you up the stairs. You remember him from your previous visits.
<Crion> Bartender's a mortal woman, early twenties. The Kitchen pokes his head out of, well, the kitchen briefly to deliver food and complain about something.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's ears are ringing slightly. He heads up the stairs unless Maggie has another idea.
<dammitwho> Maggie will order the most unusually-named beer they have that isn't an IPA. She learned that lesson early.
<Crion> She gets a strawberry shandy. It's called STRAWS ARE KILLING US.
<dammitwho> Good tip for the bartender, too. She didn't need to learn that lesson.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart isn't drinking.
<Crion> The Kitchen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoJxBEQRLd0 Prepared in the classic technique: first you pound the fish flat with a mallet, then you slash through the skin; Give the the belly a slice, then you rub some salt in.
<Crion> DJ Fuck You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UWHFdEkOm4 [sounds of violence]
<VoxPVoxD> That chef always terrified Stewart as a kid. Love to chop up and serve little fish.
<Crion> Upstairs, there's a private party. Mostly pretty humans of an assortment of genders, but in the center, David Smitten, holding some small semblance of court while trying to tell the bartender how to handle rounds for the rest of the night, and...off in the corner some kid from Winter?
<Crion> That's his mantle anyway.
<VoxPVoxD> The DJ's music sounds like something you'd hear play on a scene video game crack or keygen. Good pump-up music.
<Crion> The Mask is a sad boy; the Mien is a catboy. He seems to be being chatted up by a guy his age and only slightly less sad.
<Crion> David Smitten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaPrQa3oMy0 We are the murderous pair, that went to jail and we murdered the murderers there.
<Crion> Jordan Kit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrQRS40OKNE I was following the pack, all swallowed in their coats, with scarves of red tied 'round their throat.
<Crion> Smitten will see you coming from, well, something like 22 feet away.
<Crion> "Maggie!"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart will smile at Jordan before Smitten locks on.
<Crion> Jordan smiles back.
<Crion> "And--Stewart!"
<Crion> He almost covers up not immediately recalling Stewart's name perfectly.
<Crion> Then he frowns. "You didn't pay for that, did you?" To Maggie.
<Crion> She did not.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's not bothered, he doesn't think they've met more than in passing.
<dammitwho> "Heyoo! There's the man we came to see! Gave the bartender a little something, that's all."
<Crion> He grins and nods. "What brings you out up here on a Monday night? Hey, excuse me," he says, waving both of you with him and shooing the rest of the crowd away as he leads you to the same booth where Banthem and Kingsley negotiated...whatever it was they negotiated, the last time you were up here.
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Vampyres!" She says in the same spooky voice. "Stewart and I are fillin' out the encyclopedia page, as it were, and I thought maybe you could point us in the right direction."
<Crion> He smiles, slaps the table like that's the funniest thing he's ever heard, leans forward and says still smiling: "Keep your fucking voice down."
<VoxPVoxD> Sharp intake of breath.
<Crion> "TWO MORE OVER HERE!" he calls out to the bar, and a shandy and his drink, a gin and juice, will arrive forthwith.
<dammitwho> Hey, she wasn't *that* loud. What the heck.
<Crion> Sipping his: "So you're working on something."
<dammitwho> Maggie'll let Stewart handle this, because she's disgruntled. There was no need to snap.
<Crion> To Maggie: "I'm sorry for snapping. But...that group...takes all this secret shit real seriously."
<dammitwho> "Sure, I can see that." That makes her feel better. This Smitten guy's all right.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I'm trying to build the knowledge base for the Court. The one thing I know first-hand is that the, uh, research subject has some connections in the police force. Maggie thought you'd be able to help with knowing who in the BPD we might be able to, try to talk to, or at least use as a lead."
<Crion> Smitten nods. "Thought it might be that. So, I have some things to balance here. The first is that I know this is a test so I'm not going to cross Santander by making it easy. The second is that I think that's all, frankly, stupid, and if I'm sending you walking down that alley you need to be prepared. On that note, I'm glad Maggie's here and you're not doing this alone. No offense intended,
<Crion> but having people you trust around you when dealing with the Baltimore Court is a good idea."
<dammitwho> "Wish we didn't all have the same darn names for things."
<VoxPVoxD> Yeah, who would have guessed vampires and the True Fae would both love feudal aesthetics.
<Crion> "With that in mind, here's the deal: police enforce their will best because they're stupid, they love trinkets, and they have no oversight. Those cops that...ended up in the river...they had stupid friends who love trinkets with no oversight. And while they weren't stupid enough to give quotes to the reporters writing the pieces directly ABOUT their buddies going swimming, they were stupid
<Crion> enough to give quotes on the follow up. The crackdown."
<Crion> "Look for public interest stories over the last two weeks. Guys at the bottom of the ladder giving quotes about how something needs to be done."
<Crion> "These guys love talking because they're always talking about themselves."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Thank you, that's really helpful."
<Crion> He sips his drink. "It's helpful, but maybe it isn't kind."
<VoxPVoxD> "Do you have any advice for interacting with them?"
<Crion> Smitten: "Yeah. If they're stupid enough to bite you, let them. I'll hurt them more than it hurts you."
<Crion> "Well, unless they're true psychos."
<Crion> "Our blood's like LSD on speed for them."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "...huh. Good to know."
<Crion> He grimaces. "So either they're not expecting it, and you're good -- or they are, and you're fucked."
<Crion> Smitten nods. "Take it you have other places to be tonight, so exit with my compliments. I'll tell Amelia you were by, Maggie."
<dammitwho> She raises her glass. "Cheers."
<Crion> "Yeah." He finishes his drink.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's on his phone almost immediately after they're out, digging through articles. "So many sites have terrible mobile interfaces..."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Three names pop up: Officer Jennifer Gonzalez, in both an article on the death of the two officers and the detective, then again on a follow-up, but still specifically about the three dead cops -- one specifically, Officer Carlos Urrutia. Then there's Officer Colm Barston and Sergeant Warner Lossum, both of whom appear three times in follow-up pieces, but are only referenced once
<VoxPVoxD> in pieces about the murders -- Lossum was the two officers' direct sergeant."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Three names pop up: Officer Jennifer Gonzalez, in both an article on the death of the two officers and the detective, then again on a follow-up, but still specifically about the three dead cops -- one specifically, Officer Carlos Urrutia. Then there's Officer Colm Barston and Sergeant Warner Lossum, both of whom appear three times in follow-up pieces, but are only referenced
<VoxPVoxD> once in pieces about the murders -- Lossum was the two officers' direct sergeant."
<dammitwho> "Huuurm. Where do we go from that?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "The sergeant probably knows more, but it's also riskier to reach out to him. I think we should start with Gonzalez."
<VoxPVoxD> "She's maybe less likely to be in with the vampires, but it's also less likely the wizards have an eye on her."
<Crion> Gonzalez works out of the Eastern District. Real question is whether she's renting or a homeowner. Renter will be harder to find.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "So... how do you feel about stalking a grieving, armed woman?"
<dammitwho> "Jeepers. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound." She adds, "I don't know how much use I'll be, though..."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I think running into a lone young man would bs scarier than running into a lone young man and a sweet... lady."
<VoxPVoxD> "Plus you have superpowers."
<dammitwho> "So does she," Maggie points out. "But I'll help however ya need."
<Crion> Jennifer Gonzalez, soon but never to be née Gonzalez, lives in one of the new apartment buildings in Middle East, Baltimore. The name's a bit on point. A prestige TV show made some jokes about it. It's being heavily gentrified, and she's a new arrival, or new-ish. Her income is different but Gonzalez, it appears, is one of the few BPD cops who is actually from and lives in the city.
<Crion> She's on the third floor. You go two doors down from the stairs, she's there on the right.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I actually wonder what kind of superpowers someone who drinks vampire blood has. This is the sort of thing we're supposed to be learning, I guess." He raises his hand to knock at the door, thinks about whether that's a good idea, and then does it.
<Crion> The building looks prefab shitty-nice. Like a hotel, but cheaper on the margins. The Johns Hopkins Medical Campus is right next door.
<Crion> As they enter the building, however they please, what are Stewart and Maggie's moods? What are they afraid of, right now? What are their Vices?
<Crion> Are they a supernatural cre--hahaha.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart is slightly apprehensive but mainly he feels guilty. He watched this lady's fiance die, and then helped dispose of his body. And now he's got the nerve to prod her for information? He's still here, though. He has a job.
<dammitwho> Maggie's feeling wary. For all that Stewart reassured her, she doesn't know how to grill a grieving woman for information about her supernatural patrons. Plus, vampires are scary. There, I said it.
<VoxPVoxD> He's not really concerned about physical or psychic danger - his fear is social recrimination. Being thought stupid by Santander. Lauren getting mad at him for putting himself in danger. Him acting in a way that disappoints Maggie.
<Crion> Well, the door's right there.
<Crion> And...five seconds later...a phleghmy voice from inside. "Who is it?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Do you have a minute? We'd like to talk about Carlos."
<Crion> Both Stewart and Maggie hear a gun action work somewhere like ten feet behind the door. At farthest. "Who is it?" Jen(?) asks again.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart sucks in a breath. "My name's Stewart. My friend is Maggie. We're trying to find out more about the people who got Carlos into trouble. We're not here on behalf of anyone. We're not cops. We're not..." He hazards a guess. "...them."
<Crion> There's a pause, then the door cracks open a little bit. You can see her left hand on the door itself; her right is just off behind the frame.
<Crion> "Everyone's here on behalf of someone," she says.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "You're right. I'm... I'm a researcher. I'm trying to collect information on... on them. To protect people."
<Crion> "...The people who killed Carlos?"
<Crion> She opens the door a little bit more, but it's still chained.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah. Listen, I get if you don't want to talk. I can't imagine what you're going through. We don't want to make any more trouble for you. But the stuff Carlos was involved in... people get hurt."
<Crion> "No shit."
<Crion> "That's why he joined you. You were supposed to STOP this!"
<Crion> "You know what," she snarls, "I think you should just--"
<Crion> "Jen!" comes a new voice from just over Stewart's left shoulder.
<Crion> "Jen. Jennifer."
<Crion> There is now an incredibly handsome changeling standing between Stewart and Maggie, smiling, smelling like the mountains. Mid-fifties. Fairest, definitely.
<Crion> The Mainer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ert77QOuPw4 Don't let your life pass you by; weep not for memories.
<dammitwho> Huh.
<Crion> The cop goes from suspicious to shocked and then back, and then back again. "Jeremiah...?"
<Crion> "Hi Jennifer. I'm sorry, Stewart and Maggie here were just a bit too aggressive. We would like to talk. About what we can do for you."
<Crion> Looking at Stewart. "They're with the law firm that will be handling Carlos's case."
<VoxPVoxD> Shit, that's good. Gotta remember that one.
<VoxPVoxD> Also oh fuck.
<dammitwho> Crap. She doesn't know anything about the law. Should she have bought some fake glasses?
<Crion> Officer Gonzalez steps back, holsters the gun that was in her right hand, and opens the door. She lives well enough, but frugally. There's little decoration. No art. Two pictures of someone Stewart saw stabbed through the brain after being executed.
<Crion> "I don't have anything to drink. Please sit," she says.
<Crion> She'll do so first.
<dammitwho> Time like this, they should be around friends and family. Damned shame, even if she is a cop. Maggie'll find a seat.
<Crion> "Do you have the shooter?" Jen will ask first.
<Crion> "No," says 'Jeremiah.' "We might not ever. You know how it works. Catch and kill. Here today, gone tomorrow. We may never bury those bodies. We may never unbury them."
<Crion> "What's important to us are the people who got Carlos killed."
<Crion> "The people made the shooters, in someone's opinion, necessary."
<Crion> She nods hollowly.
<VoxPVoxD> He's so good at this. Like an actual detective.
<Crion> "We promised to do right by Carlos, and we're going to do right by you. He said we'd get in touch?"
<Crion> She nods again and then hunches over so you can't see her face. "Don't say it like that."
<Crion> "I'm not looking for a pay out."
<Crion> "I'm sorry," 'Jeremiah' says. "No one was implying you were."
<Crion> "But when Carlos entered into an understanding with us, it was clear that should something happen to him, you'd be taken care of."
<Crion> Jennifer nods. She's started to cry.
<Crion> The rest of the meeting will take only a few moments, with 'Jeremiah' smoothing things over and giving her advice as to how, specifically, the trust in Carlos Urrutia's name will be disbursed. Soon, it's time to go. Unless either Stewart or Maggie would like to interject.
<VoxPVoxD> Nnnnno. No, that's fine.
<dammitwho> Maggie will just try to project good will.
<Crion> Then, once the grieving almost-widow has thanked all three of your profusely and shown you out to the hall, closed the door, and locked and bolted it, 'Jeremiah' will say: "Stairwell."
<Crion> And begin marching to the stairwell.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart goes to the stairwell.
<Crion> When all three of them are alone, the genteel mask falls away to angry confusion. "So would someone like to tell me what the fuck is going on? Because I thought we had an understanding here! And fucking with the widow was not part of my understanding!"
<Crion> "Jesus CHRIST!"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's stunned into silence.
<dammitwho> Calmly, because this guy isn't a vampire and so things are relatively less alarming: "Mister, you've got us wrong here. We're not from whoever you think we're from."
<Crion> He barks a laugh. Pointing at Stewart: "Autumn." Pointing at Maggie: "Spring. I know precisely who you--"
<Crion> He pauses.
<Crion> "But you have no idea who the fuck I am."
<Crion> "Oh my fucking god."
<Crion> "Kingsley doesn't know you're out here, does he."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart, finally: "No, we're doing research. We're not- we didn't know about any deal."
<Crion> He leans back cooly against the stairwell rail and smiles. "Well, shit. That's...well, it's much better than the alternative."
<Crion> Calling up the stairwell: "We're good."
<Crion> Suddenly, there's a young woman perched on the rail right next to the handsome older man. And she's smiling. With fangs.
<dammitwho> Gah!
<Crion> The Girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MrRi-2nokM And then my eyes got used to the darkness, and everyone that I knew, was lost and so long forgotten after you.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart can't control his gut emotional response, which is to hiss "Aw, sick!"
<Crion> "Lady," she says. "Gentleman."?
<Crion> -?
<Crion> "I'm the Mainer," he says. "She's a...well, you know. Let's take a walk."
<dammitwho> "Hello," She manages to get out without having to clear her throat.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "It's nice to meet you. I'm really sorry about this. This was- I made a mistake. About how to proceed."
<Crion> The Mainer is already sauntering downstairs. "Let's have that conversation somewhere else."
<Crion> The Girl shrugs and backflips off the rail, falling four stories and landing perfectly.
<Crion> Once they're outside, the temperature is down around 60 degrees. Neither the Mainer nor the Girl seem to feel it.
<Crion> Slightly smiling, the Girl says: "We don't hold a grudge."
<Crion> The Mainer grimaces. "Yeah, Carlos was a piece of shit. So were the other two. Always liked Jenny, though."
<Crion> "She'll move on from this better."
<Crion> "Maybe find another job."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah. I hope so. Like I said I'm - I completely fucked up here. I'm supposed to be researching..." To the Girl: "I don't know if there's a socially acceptable word I should be saying, or what. You know what I mean. I got asked by a man named Santander to do research on... you guys. To keep the Court informed."
<Crion> The Girl cackles at that before politely covering her mouth. The Mainer: "Well, the good news on that is we'll keep the Court informed too."
<Crion> "I am the ambassador for the Court of Baltimore."
<Crion> "To the Freehold of Baltimore."
<Crion> "I literally have an office in your building."
<Crion> He shrugs. "Don't ever go there, though."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Oh, for the love of Pete."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "They don't really... advertise that kind of thing, I don't think."
<VoxPVoxD> "Like I doubt half the Freehold even knows there is an Ambassador."
<Crion> To Stewart: "They don't." To Maggie: "Peter was worse than Judas."
<Crion> The Girl sort of waggles her hand.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "So yeah, uh. In the absence of... harrassing a widow... do you have any advice on who I could tap to answer some questions? Would you be willing? I realize that's a ridiculous imposition."
<Crion> The Mainer: "You lended warm bodies to my attempt to smooth things over with a grieving woman, which went off fantastically, and I have to have lunch with both of your bosses next week. So yeah. I can help."
<Crion> The Girl's eye-roll is almost audible.
<Crion> The Mainer: "Don't mind her. It's not that she dislikes you."
<Crion> "It's just that she doesn't like you yet."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "We could've made a better first impression."
<Crion> The Girl: "Not you."
<Crion> The Girl: "Her, perhaps."
<Crion> The Mainer: "...She means your first impression was, ah, decided for you."
<dammitwho> "Eh?"
<Crion> "After all, the Court of Baltimore did consign those three men to death with knowing aforethought."
<Crion> "Because they were shitheads and fuckups."
<Crion> The Girl, to Maggie: "You could murdered an Englishman."
<Crion> *could have
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart wonders if Maggie and Canterbury would get along. Maybe. Canterbury eats food, right?
<Crion> He's a twenty-something who smokes weed, so.
<Crion> Yes.
<dammitwho> Maggie has no idea what they're talking about. She could've murdered an Englishman?
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Murdered an Englishman?"
<Crion> The Mainer: "What she means to say is if you wanted to put your best foot forward, you'd have brutally murdered one of the white men who partitioned the Middle East. It was a joke." He smiles. "But it wasn't really a joke. Now, Stewart. Santander has this game he likes to play."
<Crion> "I think it's stupid, but I also think it's useful."
<Crion> "Stop me if this sounds familiar: Three questions. I don't answer one, you get another."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Yeah, I know this one."
<Crion> The Mainer: "It's a better getting-to-know-you schtick than everyone going around the circle and sharing one fact about themselves, I'll give the old bastard that."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "What's the relationship between the Court of Baltimore and the Freehold of Baltimore?"
<Crion> The Girl: "Too close."
<Crion> The Mainer: "...Very good terms. We've been close for some fifteen years now. Since all that shit with Mere Jacoby. That sort of sealed things; it's not...common...to have full-time ambassadors like me. At least that's my understanding. And when things get too interesting, it takes up a lot of my time."
<Crion> The Girl: "As I said, too close."
<dammitwho> Need to bring back some useful information for an internet encyclopedia. Encyclopedia entry stuff... Well, if Santander didn't see fit to tell Stewart there was an ambassador he could talk to, he can't complain when he gets the basic headings. "How is the Court of Baltimore structured?"
<Crion> The Mainer glances over at the Girl, who shrugs. Then he says: "We don't have a King. We have a Prince."
<Crion> "...Well, a Princeling."
<Crion> "And a Lord Regent."
<Crion> The Girl: "Except the Princeling is over 300 years old, so perhaps he's just lazy."
<Crion> The Mainer: "And perhaps you shouldn't be saying that in mixed company."
<Crion> The Girl rolls her eyes again. "If he wishes to come kill his Sheriff, I'd welcome it. At least it wouldn't be gaming all the time."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "What kind of games does he play?"
<VoxPVoxD> Oh fuck that was the third question.
<Crion> The Girl: "Oh, I don't know. Some space shooter where you go to the moon. Fate? Desire?"
<VoxPVoxD> "Destiny."
<Crion> "Yes, this."
<Crion> She waves. "Your people enable this."
<VoxPVoxD> "Our people?"
<Crion> With dripping digust: "Do you think vampires are stupid enough to game against their Prince? When he takes it seriously?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Oh. Yeah, I see your point."
<Crion> The Mainer: "I think we'll just put a pin in that for now. What's the third que--"
<Crion> He frowns as his phone buzzes.
<Crion> He checks it.
<Crion> "Oh for fuck's sake--"
<Crion> He calls a number. "What the fuck are-- shut the fuck up, what the fuck are-- no. NO!"
<Crion> "God DAMMIT!"
<VoxPVoxD> Uh
<Crion> He looks around the block; his eyes fall on an expensive SUV parked cat-corner from the Johns Hopkins Medical Center. He turns to Maggie and Stewart. "Are either of you any good at stealing cars?"
<Crion> They've wandered maybe five blocks from where Stewart parked.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I think I can do it, yeah."
<VoxPVoxD> "Any particular car?"
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Guess it depends. Can't get my head around these computerized things."
<Crion> The Girl: "You know, I could just carry him back to his."
<Crion> "Like I do you."
<Crion> The Mainer irritably waves his hand -- someone's coming out of the center, might be the car owner -- and suddenly The Girl has snatched Stewart up in a damsel in distress carry, the world blurs around them, and she plops him down, seated, on the hood of his car.
<Crion> Five blocks down.
<Crion> Then she blinks and reappears in his passenger seat.
<VoxPVoxD> Holy shit-- "Hooly shit."
<Crion> "You wanted research," she says smugly.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's a little flushed. "I... appreciate that. Would you mind if I asked you one more question?"
<Crion> "As long as you drive as you ask."
<dammitwho> ?
<Crion> To Mainer and Maggie, to pick them up.
<Crion> Since they're both, of course, five blocks away.
<VoxPVoxD> The car's off seconds later. "What do you think is the most important thing a changeling can know about vampires?"
<Crion> "Any vampire who wishes to feed off of a changeling is dangerously insane. Your blood is acid mixed with PCP. I am with S...The Mainer precisely because I will never be tempted to try."
<Crion> She'll slide lithely into the backseat as Stewart pulls up on an irritated-looking Mainer and Maggie.
<dammitwho> "Neat!"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Thank you both, I really appreciate your help."
<Crion> "Thanks." The Mainer shows you his phone. "Drive."
<Crion> It's got a Google maps thing on it.
<Crion> You're headed to Canton.
<Crion> It's probably late enough that there aren't too many drunks on the street, even, when you arrive. These are some of the jumped-up rowhomes, renovated then sold to white frat guys at twice the price, that sit on the edge of the neighborhood.
<VoxPVoxD> Man. He's not sure if it's getting older and noticing it more, or the stuff Melanie's been sending him to read, or the time away, or a real rot, but everything seems sadder than it did before he left. "What's here?"
<Crion> "Two cops." The Mainer throws open the door before Stewart even stops. "And someone stupider than two cops."
<Crion> Right on cue, from down an alley between two rowhouses: "FUCKKK, DUDE!!"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Do you want us to wait here, or?"
<Crion> Then a loud, loud crash.
<Crion> The Mainer: "No."
<VoxPVoxD> Shit--
<Crion> "We need witnesses."
<Crion> ...
<Crion> The Girl has disappeared.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart looks at Maggie.
<Crion> The Mainer is heading for the alley.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart follows.
<VoxPVoxD> Stays behind to lock the car first. Common sense.
<dammitwho> She shrugs, and follows The Mainer.
<dammitwho> What a strange night.
<Crion> SMASH! CRASH! "Augh -- *cough*"
<Crion> When you make the alley, there's a guy with a lanyard with a badge on it around his neck taking a changeling's head and beating into the half-broken window of a Ford Fusion. Behind him, there's a police sergeant still in half his dress outfit with his service weapon drawn. Stewart will recognize them: Barston doing the assault, Lossum, the sergeant, covering him.
<Crion> Neither of you have ever seen the changeling before. He looks like a little shithead. Winter Court.
<Crion> "It's fine!! It's fine," the changeling coughs. "This is my job."
<Crion> "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" screams the cop.
<Crion> Cider Stitch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcLIye3EVpg Want you to take me to the H, take me to the O, want you to take me to the S, take me to the P, want you to take me to the I-T-A-L; want you to take me to the hospital.
<Crion> Anything worth doing's worth getting hurt for.
<Crion> The Mainer: "What the fuck are you doing."
<Crion> Barston: "I SAID--"
<Crion> The Mainer: "I wasn't fucking talking to you, son."
<Crion> The cop in the undershirt snorts and throws the kid to the ground. He looks maybe 22. And like a little dirtbag fuck up. He's smiling around bloody teeth.
<Crion> The Mainer: "Asked what you were doing, Cider."
<Crion> Cider: "These guys don't just get to beat on Sarah and get away with it."
<Crion> The Mainer: "The Court and the Freehold came to an agreement about who--"
<Crion> Cider: "Fuck your agreement!"
<Crion> Cider: "How many times have I got cut up over you! And now this shit, you just let go--"
<Crion> Lossum levels his gun...at Stewart. "Hey there, Mainer."
<Crion> The Mainer: "Hey there, Sergeant."
<Crion> "You need to be careful where you point that."
<Crion> Lossum: "I'm being very careful."
<Crion> To Stewart and Maggie: "Who the fuck are you two?"
<Crion> "More freaks?"
<dammitwho> Quietly: "There is no need to be rude."
<Crion> Lossum: "The fuck you just say to me?"
<Crion> "I'm a COP!"
<Crion> "I'M POLICE!"
<Crion> "That used to MEAN SOMETHING!"
<Crion> "And now--now allllllll of you--"
<Crion> The Mainer: "Lossum, you need to calm down."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart, slowly. "Sorry, Sergeant. I promised not to get shot."
<Crion> He turns the gun on Stewart. "Oh, you promised? You promised? I hear a lot about promises. Well let's shit in one hand and promise in the other, and see what--"
<Crion> The Mainer, clinically: "Do it."
<Crion> The Girl turns Lossum's head backwards, then leaps on the screaming Barston and, quite literally, eats him alive.
<Crion> The Mainer, to Stewart, without looking away: "This good enough? For your research?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart doesn't flinch. "...Yeah."
<Crion> Cider Stitch crawls out from underneath the battered car. "I think I might need a ride somewhere they have doctors."
<dammitwho> Most of Mags' emotions seem to physically locate themselves in her gut, a product of her reshaping, perhaps. Watching a cop slam some dumb kid into a car door, whether or not he had it coming (which, he probably did) reveals some hot coals down at the bottom of the furnace: mounting anger. They can't jSWEET MARY MOSES
<Crion> The Mainer kicks him in the shoulder which, it should be noted, is one of the few places he hasn't been hurt. "You fucking asshole. The fuck did you have to go do this shit for. I should leave you."
<Crion> Cider: "Told you why I did it."
<Crion> The Mainer: "...Yeah."
<Crion> "Johns Hopkins is just up the street."
<Crion> "Should make you walk."
<Crion> He looks over at Stewart and Maggie questioningly.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "We can give you a ride."
<dammitwho> "Might as well."
<Crion> The Girl stands and wipes her mouth. "We'll have to explain this to the Primacy."
<Crion> The Mainer pulls Cider to his please. "Yeah. We will."
<Crion> "We'll say 'fuck the police.'"
<dammitwho> "Whom?"
<Crion> The Girl: "The Prince isn't the only power."
<Crion> The Mainer: "They've used up their questions."
<Crion> The Girl: "Ugh."
<Crion> *pulls Cider to his feet
<Crion> They get Cider to the hospital quickly. He's covered by Freehold plan. The Mainer and the Girl are gone when you turn your back once.
<Crion> Just another night in Baltimore.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart turns to Maggie on their way out. "Are you hungry? There's a diner nearby that's open until 5."
<dammitwho> Reflexively: "I could eat." Could she? Yes, she decides.
<VoxPVoxD> The place is called Sip & Bite and it's a totally ordinary diner, not quite emptied of the late night crew before the true graveyard doomers roll in. Soon they're in a booth with menus. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was going to get so... like that."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "That was something else, wasn't it?"
<dammitwho> "...do you know who Sarah is?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart shakes his head. "I don't think so."
<dammitwho> She looks around the diner slowly, then back to Stewart, and whistles under her breath. "Well. Do you think you got enough for Santander?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I don't know. I hope so. I think it's useful information. I don't know if he was hoping for, like... stats or whatever."
<VoxPVoxD> "I don't know if this beats the Bake-Off, but it was intense."
<VoxPVoxD> "What did you make of them? The Mainer and the Sheriff."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "I don't really understand how one of us becomes their ambassador. Bet that's a story."
<VoxPVoxD> "He seemed to get along well with the Sheriff."
<VoxPVoxD> "No Mantle at all, though. That freaked me out. I thought maybe he was- you know."
<VoxPVoxD> "One of those guys."
<dammitwho> "The Sheriff... hrrurm. I'd guess we've gotta take into account that anything she showed us, I mean her reactions and responses to questions and what have you, coulda been a runaround. Camouflage. You live long enough in that kind of company, maybe it's second nature."
<dammitwho> "Putting that aside, though... They have a Prince who doesn't rule, but she technically works for him anyway, and she doesn't seem to like him much. Gal like that, I wouldn't think she'd have to stick with *anything* she didn't like. So that's interesting."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Maybe what we got out of this is that we have more interesting questions now."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I mean they've got to be even more dependent on each other than we are, right? We don't blow up in the sun."
<VoxPVoxD> "And they have to make sure not to bite too many people."
<dammitwho> "Maybe? We don't compete for, uh, food."
<VoxPVoxD> "Yeah but they still need each other. Man that sounds miserable."
<dammitwho> "Not great." She agrees. "So, figure their Prince is the strongest one. Physically, I mean. Other kinds of power, you've gotta sit up at night scheming and maintaining and stomping on peoples' fingers. Big strong guy, he can sit back and play video games because he knows it doesn't matter what anybody else does."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Maybe he's got some magic. Like he can't be killed or something."
<dammitwho> "Then there's something called the Primacy. What makes someone a, uh, Primus? Not physical strength, or not just that, because otherwise one of 'em'd be the Prince instead."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I think you'd be a Primate, not a Primus."
<dammitwho> "I thought that was gorillas and chimps and what have you."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "It's also a religious office. You see it sometimes in Japanese RPGs."
<dammitwho> "Could be." She nods. "Maybe put a lil' blue question mark next to that one. Vampire religion? What do vampires believe in?"
<dammitwho> "Is clerical power the only other formal kind?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I don't know why vampires couldn't just believe in whatever they already believed. It's not like people change their religious beliefs because they learn facts about the world."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Probably do if you become a dread creature of the night, though."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "What about you?"
<dammitwho> "Hard to say. I dunno what I believed in before."
<VoxPVoxD> "Does any of--" he gestures vaguely, attempting to encompass not just their own experience but the wider, stranger world they find themselves in. "--any of this make you change how you think about God?"
<VoxPVoxD> "What do you believe now?"
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Well, now, Stewart, let me tell you something. There's two very important things I've learned, and you've helped me with both of them. You remember that song trick you showed me?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "The Hedge-Busker's Tip, yeah."
<dammitwho> "And my song's the Guysborough Line. You know where Guysborough is? What that song's about?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart shakes his head. "The North, somewhere? The North Shore's begun, that North County rain, stuff like that."
<dammitwho> She nods. "Up in Canada." She pronounces it almost 'Canadar'. "Northeast, in fact. Not quite as far east as you can go - that'd be Newfoundland, probably - but pretty close. There's just about nobody that lives there... the town of Guysborough has a population of about 1000. I looked it up on your Wikipedia."
<dammitwho> "Now, the Guysborough Line... there was a time when a new government came in up north, and one thing they promised was to revitalize the area of Guysborough. They were going to build a train there, which was probably pretty exciting for the residents! New jobs, new people, a new life."
<dammitwho> She sips some coffee that she ordered that we didn't narrate. "Never happened. Construction got a ways along, and then the project was shut down." She roots around in her purse, pulls out her phone.
<dammitwho> After a few taps and swipes, she turns it around to show Stewart this: https://i.imgur.com/rST5Jsg.jpg
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "No train to Guysborugh, and ain't that a shame..."
<dammitwho> "Half-built bridges, cut tracks... you can walk a long, long way along the Guysborough line."
<dammitwho> "So the song's about broken promises. Isn't that funny? A gal comes out of the Hedge, and her song's about broken promises? The Wyrd has a sense of humor."
<dammitwho> Her face turns serious. "But what does it mean? Did I break a promise b- before? Or did someone break one to me? I'm not sure, but I know that when I think about it I actually start to get angry. Not spitting fire angry, low burn angry. The kind of thing that lasts a long time."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Melanie was talking about something similar. She was thinking about, does the music come within us? That doesn't really make sense, right, because they're real songs. Did someone choose them for us? Did we take them for ourselves, and we've forgotten? She was worried that being assigned a song meant you were, you were boxed in. Defined against your will."
<VoxPVoxD> "Stuff like that really bugs her."
<VoxPVoxD> "Do you know what you're angry about? Where the anger, where it comes from?"
<dammitwho> Maggie shrugs. "Life's the stuff that defines you against your will. Anyhow, let me get to the end here. The other important thing I learned less than half an hour ago."
<dammitwho> "When that piece of shit - pardon my French - was pounding on that poor kid, I started to get real hot under the collar! That's important, because... well, I haven't been out very long, but I can count the times I've gotten properly mad on one hand. You know me, I'm a go-along-to-get-along sort, right?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart nods.
<dammitwho> "So. The things I care about right now. Safety, friends, family... those are all important, but they're not really beliefs. They're just..." She waves a hand. "Living in a village."
<VoxPVoxD> "Right."
<dammitwho> "I think if I'm going to find out what I believe, it's going to be around the shape of that anger. What I'm angry about, who made me angry. Getting back what I lost in the Hedge, the kind of thing that drives a person to stick a thumb in some other fella's eye."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "What do I believe? Not sure yet. But I've got some bearings now, thanks to you." She raises her mug, takes another sip.
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I guess you don't like bullies."
<dammitwho> "Feh! Who does?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "Well like... it's the cops, right? A lot of people like the cops."
<VoxPVoxD> "My dad likes the cops. He was a- he worked in the State's Attorney's office. He was a prosecutor."
<dammitwho> "Huurrm."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "People who never have to see them, or people who they work for, maybe."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "...yeah, I guess."
<VoxPVoxD> "It never seems like--" he's cutting up his 'chop steak', which seems to be a hamburger without a bun covered in onions and gravy. "--I dunno. Like... you, just now. You made this mean something for you. You tied it back to to the time before."
<dammitwho> Poor Stewart. Actually having living family must be hard.
<VoxPVoxD> "Like, I know where my dad lives. I saw photos from his last cookout Labor Day weekend. What my mom looks like."
<VoxPVoxD> "I know what *I'm* supposed to look like. Who I'm supposed to be with."
<VoxPVoxD> "They're thinking about buying a house."
<VoxPVoxD> "And then on the other side of it, there's you, who's wise enough to turn watching a man getting his head twisted off showed you a piece of your truth self. You see Melanie, who's like, the smartest person I've ever met, killing trees to make sense of being one."
<VoxPVoxD> "And then Nels, she basically got beamed onto another planet, and what? Where's her story? What's the meaning of that?"
<dammitwho> "Poor Nels. 1920 was so long ago."
<VoxPVoxD> "So, so what? What's the lesson? What is it supposed to mean?"
<dammitwho> Maggie: "I wish I could pull something good or helpful out of that for you. It just..."
<dammitwho> "It just sucks."
<dammitwho> "S'why I always love to see you coming up to the Wherehouse, or spending time with that Lauren gal. I feel like when you're grieving you should be around people. Maybe that's just me."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "You can't grieve if nobody dies."
<VoxPVoxD> "That's the joke. You lose your life but you don't die. A Zen master would eat that up."
<dammitwho> "People don't have to die for you to lose them."
<VoxPVoxD> "They're right there--"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart stops himself.
<VoxPVoxD> "...you're right. I'm sorry."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Nothing for you to apologize for."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart's eyes are red. "You don't have to apologize to be sorry."
<dammitwho> She squeezes his hand silently.
<dammitwho> She sniffs, wipes her eyes. "...your chop steak alright?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "...yeah. How's your--" What did she get?
<dammitwho> 'Breakfast sampler'. Two eggs and cheese, sausage, pancakes, toast.
<dammitwho> "S'alright for 3AM. If I were here at 8 I'd want to know what exactly they thought they were doing with this cheese. Guy didn't even melt it!"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I wonder what kind of stuff you could overhear in a diner if you knew to listen."
<VoxPVoxD> "Like, think about it. A bunch of people sit in a diner at 3 in the morning, in 2019, talking about vampires and hobgoblins... you're thinking, like, movies or video games or something."
<dammitwho> "How do you mean?"
<VoxPVoxD> "But if you know..."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "...you're still probably thinking movies or video games or something. Unless knowing makes you a weird paranoid, which now that I think about it seems pretty likely."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I'm still thinking video games... but I'm thinking a little longer about it, you know?"
<VoxPVoxD> "You just sort of... like there's a frequency there you didn't know people were broadcasting on."
<dammitwho> She nods enthusiastically. "Oh, for sure. You ever listen to Deb of Night?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart shakes his head. "Is that a podcast?"
<dammitwho> "Radio! Come on now, nobody listens to regular ol' radio anymore? 'Hello Baltimore, you're listening to: The Deb of Night. Broadcasting from Los Angeles and our sister stations in Chicago, New York, Miami, and Aqua Vitae, Texas.'" In a confidential tone: "I was just tickled pink when I learned they do some kind of internet streaming radio thing so I can get it in the Wherehouse."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "What's the Deb of Night about? Is it like a call-in show?"
<dammitwho> "Mostly. She reads news sometimes, music occasionally... it seems like a one-woman show, so she pretty much does as she pleases. Some of the people who call in are real looney tunes, you know? UFOes and shadow men and alternate dimensions and such. But you know what? Knowing some of 'em might be right makes it even better."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "If there's a vampire Prince that games all day, then it stands to reason there are vampires who make crackpot calls into radio shows too."
<VoxPVoxD> "Not the guys that are on during the day, Rush Limbaugh or whatever. No, apparently that's Nazi werewolves."
<dammitwho> "Eesh. I hope they're not all like that."
<VoxPVoxD> "It didn't sound like they were."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "Hmm. What do you suppose werewolves do all day?"
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "I bet they've got day jobs. Werewolf electrician, werewolf nurse, stuff like that."
<VoxPVoxD> "And then, at night, the moon just messes them up."
<dammitwho> Maggie: "When do they find time to sleep? No wonder werewolfs are so cranky."
<VoxPVoxD> Stewart: "How deep into the horror catalogue can we go, here? Are there lagoon monsters? Mummies? Frankensteins?"
<VoxPVoxD> "Aliens?"
<VoxPVoxD> "What if all those crackpot callers are right?"
<dammitwho> "Makes you think."